The Future SUCKS!!!
—— Transcript ——
Hello? Hello?!? Can you hear me?
My name is Zed-5937 and I am from THE FUTURE!
No, seriously… and I’m here to tell you what it’s really like in my time.
I know, I know – you all dream of floating cities, flying cars, jet packs, robots, and meals in pills.
That’s all true, but it’s much worse than you think – The future SUCKS!
Ok, let’s take this morning, for example.
I gave my robot the keys to my flying car to run some errands, and he totally crashed it into my neighbor’s floating house! Not only do I have to pay for the car and the house, I’ve gotta shell out for the damages to the under-people due to all that falling debris!
So, I’m stuck taking my jet pack to work, and wouldn’t you know it, I run straight through a flock of pigeons! I mean the city is overrun with these air-rats! It’s a good thing, though. Because with all the pollution from the jet packs, we’ve pretty much toasted every species on the planet. Rats and pigeons are our only source of protein (unless you count the Soylent… which I don’t). The last time I even saw a cow was at the zoo.
So let’s talk about the saviour of us all – Technology!
After the smart phone and wearable tech booms, people started merging plastic surgery with electronics. So now, I can surf the web in my head… cool, huh?
Yeah, until you’re talking to some girl and you realize she’s not paying attention to you at all because some celeb-gossip-freak-show is playing in her head!
Plus, with all the body modification, I’m not even sure what it is I’m dating, and I have no clue where I’m not supposed to look any more!
And if you think spam and telemarketers are annoying, just wait until you start getting direct mental messages from some guy in Dubai trying to sell you male enhancement term life insurance!
I gotta go – My internal sensors are telling me it’s time for lunch. Hey, you wanna trade that sandwich for my turkey-dinner-in-a-pill?
Heed my warning!
Enjoy the Past while it Lasts!
(I should make a t-shirt with that on it)
—— End Transmission ——
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com