Sixty Candles! (another Birthday Song)

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Sixty Candles

by: Joe J Thomas

(parody of Sixteen Candles by The Crests)

Birthday Cake Fire - Joe's Dump

      SixtyCandles_JoesDump

I’m writing a birthday song for every decade.
My last one was “Don’t Worry, You’re Fifty”.

Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Sixty Candles
by: Joe J Thomas
(parody of Sixteen Candles by The Crests)
Happy birthday. You look kind of shaky.
Oh, you are so old.
Sixty candles. What a frightening sight.
Because they’re setting your house alight (set your house alight)
Blow out the candles. Dial nine one one.
This birthday party is no longer fun. (it’s no longer fun)
You’re over sixty. (sixty)
And on the senior scene. (senior scene)
You’ve got pension. And dentures.
And membership in AARP.
(AARP, yeah)
Sixty candles set your house aglow.
Now ash is falling from the sky like snow. (from the sky like snow)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Fly Trump To The Moon! (parody song)

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Fly Trump To The Moon! (parody song)

*** Warning! F-Bomb! (but it’s a classy one) ***

by: Joe J Thomas

(parody of Sinatra’s “Fly Me To The Moon”)

Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

FREE! Wallpaper!!!
Trump in a Rocket Ride - Joe's Dump

      Fly Trump To The Moon (Joe J Thomas)

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Fly Trump To The Moon!
by: Joe J Thomas
www.JoesDump.com

(parody of Sinatra’s “Fly Me To The Moon”)

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Fly Trump to the moon
Let him drift among the stars
Let him see if he can breathe
On a-Jupiter and Mars

In other words: Space Force One!
In other words: Donald, bite me!

Make us great again
You can resign, you crashing bore
Give me what I long for
Trump behind a prison door

In other words: Your time is due…
In other words: Trump, Fuck You!

– music break –

Mueller’s coming soon
Your family’s downfall is assured
Retribution’s on the way
For what we’ve all endured

In other words: Your time is due…
In other words…
In other words: Trump, Fuck … You!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Parody Song! Song

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Parody Song! Song

by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
(parody of The Beatles “Obladi Oblada”)

Finally… the Inception of Parody Songs 😉

      Parody_Song-Song-JoesDump

(lyrics below)

Copyright 2018 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Parody Song! Song
by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
(parody of The Beatles “Obladi Oblada”)

Thought of something funny, gonna write a song
Ain’t got time for music done by hand
Grab some karaoke, you’ll be going strong
And there’s no need for you to go and find a band
[chorus] P. A. R. – O. D. Y. – S. O. N. G! – Gotta love a parody song! (X2)
Workin’ on the lyrics in my studio
Crumpled papers piled upon the floor
Just where all the time went, baby I don’t know
But when I wake up you’re there knockin’ on my door
[chorus] P. A. R. – O. D. Y. – S. O. N. G! – Gotta love a parody song! (X2)
In a couple of hours I will write another verse
Get on the mic and record it all
Like it for better or worse (ha ha ha ha)
Hope to make some money in the marketplace
Singing something funny for the fans
Famous on Demento and that FuMPy place
And then I’ll take it on a tour across the land
[chorus] P. A. R. – O. D. Y. – S. O. N. G! – Gotta love a parody song! (X2)
In a couple of days I will post it up online
On Twitter, Facebook and Instagram
Drop it on Funny or Die (ha ha ha ha)
Getting lots of clicks out on my YouTube site
Check it out the stats keep rolling in
Reading all the comments then it’s nighty-night
And in the morning I’ll just do it all again
[chorus] P. A. R. – O. D. Y. – S. O. N. G! – Gotta love a parody song! (X2)
And if you want some fun, just come and sing along!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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MatriXmas: Jingle Bells

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MatriXmas: Jingle Bells

Original Lyrics to “Jingles Bells” + Spybreak! by Propellerheads = MatriXmas

A non-original song parody from Joe’s Dump!

Time for some Holiday METAL that’s not tinsel …

Video:

Audio:

      MatriXmas: Jingle Bells by Joe's Dump

Poster:
MatriXmas: Jingle Bells by Joe's Dump
 
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
MatriXmas: Jingle Bells
(Jingle Bells lyrics set to Spybreak! by Propellerheads)
by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump

…Santa needs a ride.

[Verse 1]
Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
O’er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to ride and sing
A sleighing song tonight

[Chorus]
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh, hey
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh

…Frosty Snowballs
…Winter Warlock

[Verse 2]
A day or two ago
I thought I’d take a ride
And soon, Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
He got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot

[Chorus]

…Kringle down your Chimney
…Bumbles Bounce

[Verse 3]
A day or two ago
The story I must tell
I went out on the snow
And on my back I fell
A gent was riding by
In a one-horse open sleigh
He laughed as there I sprawling lie
But quickly drove away

[Chorus]

…Burgermeister Meisterburger
…I want to be a dentist

[Verse 4]
Now the ground is white
Go it while you’re young
Take the girls tonight
And sing this sleighing song
Just get a bobtailed bay
Two forty as his speed
Hitch him to an open sleigh
And crack, you’ll take the lead

… Jingle my Bells
… Open Sleigh
… Hey!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Dotard Featherhead

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Fresh from the Dr. Demento show… My new song!

“Dotard Featherhead!”
(a song about a somewhat fictional president)

Dotard: a weak-minded old person
Featherhead: a foolish scatterbrain

(parody of John Denver’s “Grandma’s Feather Bed”)
by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump

Copyright 2018, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump JoesDump.com
All rights reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~

When I was a tiny little lad my daddy said to me
Son you can set your mind to be anything you wanna be
A rodeo clown or a fireman
You could even be president
But the worst dang one in the U S of A
Was Dotard Featherhead!

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

He only hires the bestest folks,
They spend ‘n waste ‘n collude
He talks about the nukes and the coal
Then he holds a rally or two
The White House has a revolving door,
When he tweets off comes your head
Pretty soon the only one left
Will be Dotard Featherhead

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

(music)

Well he loves his base and he loves the Klan,
Putin and Kim Jong Un
He bankrupt casinos, steaks and schools
Got a golden toilet too, ew!
But if you ask the CIA, FBI or the feds
That noose is getting mighty tight
Around Dotard Featherhead

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Pay-2-Play Parody Song

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Pay-2-Play Parody Song


by Joe J Thomas

(parody of “If I Could Read Your Mind, Love” by Gordon Lightfoot)

… and if you like this one, you might also enjoy this:

Alone Again, In The Booth

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
I joined a pay-to-play site
‘Cuz I got my voice to sell
They send me lots of auditions
And I’m doin’ really well
Then I reach the part where the paycheck comes
A dollar ninety three
Are you frickin’ kiddin’ me?!?!?
This headset mic is really boss
It’ll take me twenty bucks to pay it off
~~~
If I could read your copy
For a product you’d like to sell
Be on a national commercial
The kind that pays my bills
Maybe I could be on a cartoon show
And be famous on TV
Or a hero in a game
The Simpsons or an Anime
Can’t you see I only need a break
~~~
My fans would think I’m a movie star
With a mansion on the beach
Or maybe even two
With lots of green, I’m on the scene with paparazzi crowding all round me
But for now I should be real
I never learned how to act on stage
And I’ve got to say that they just don’t get it
I don’t know where I went wrong
But my money’s gone and I just can’t get it back
~~~ (end) ~~~

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Funny or Die!

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Funny or Die!

Now appearing on the Funny or Die home page… My “Join The Republican Party” video!

Please click on the above, and be sure to vote 😉

Thanks much!

Joe

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Hookah Burger!!!

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Hookah Burger!!!

Ok, so where did this bit of madness come from?

There’s a tiny stand-alone restaurant in our neighborhood. It used to be some kind of “Wrap” place, then it was empty for years.

Finally, a minor burger chain bought it! Hurray! And with a college nearby, it should be a huge success, right?

Nope. New seats. Outdoor TVs. Cheap plastic barrier and fence with plastic plants. New heaters.

Nothing.

So… The owners set it up as a Hookah place instead!

Sure. That’s a natural transition.

… and … it’s dormant again.

But I can still wish for “Hookah Burger!!!”

BTW, there’s a real “Hookah Burger” restaurant in Russia.
You can visit them here (WARNING! Slightly NSFW!): Hookah Burger Russia

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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