Dotard Featherhead

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Fresh from the Dr. Demento show… My new song!

“Dotard Featherhead!”
(a song about a somewhat fictional president)

Dotard: a weak-minded old person
Featherhead: a foolish scatterbrain

(parody of John Denver’s “Grandma’s Feather Bed”)
by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump

Copyright 2018, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump JoesDump.com
All rights reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~

When I was a tiny little lad my daddy said to me
Son you can set your mind to be anything you wanna be
A rodeo clown or a fireman
You could even be president
But the worst dang one in the U S of A
Was Dotard Featherhead!

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

He only hires the bestest folks,
They spend ‘n waste ‘n collude
He talks about the nukes and the coal
Then he holds a rally or two
The White House has a revolving door,
When he tweets off comes your head
Pretty soon the only one left
Will be Dotard Featherhead

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

(music)

Well he loves his base and he loves the Klan,
Putin and Kim Jong Un
He bankrupt casinos, steaks and schools
Got a golden toilet too, ew!
But if you ask the CIA, FBI or the feds
That noose is getting mighty tight
Around Dotard Featherhead

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Pay-2-Play Parody Song

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Pay-2-Play Parody Song


by Joe J Thomas

(parody of “If I Could Read Your Mind, Love” by Gordon Lightfoot)

… and if you like this one, you might also enjoy this:

Alone Again, In The Booth

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
I joined a pay-to-play site
‘Cuz I got my voice to sell
They send me lots of auditions
And I’m doin’ really well
Then I reach the part where the paycheck comes
A dollar ninety three
Are you frickin’ kiddin’ me?!?!?
This headset mic is really boss
It’ll take me twenty bucks to pay it off
~~~
If I could read your copy
For a product you’d like to sell
Be on a national commercial
The kind that pays my bills
Maybe I could be on a cartoon show
And be famous on TV
Or a hero in a game
The Simpsons or an Anime
Can’t you see I only need a break
~~~
My fans would think I’m a movie star
With a mansion on the beach
Or maybe even two
With lots of green, I’m on the scene with paparazzi crowding all round me
But for now I should be real
I never learned how to act on stage
And I’ve got to say that they just don’t get it
I don’t know where I went wrong
But my money’s gone and I just can’t get it back
~~~ (end) ~~~

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Funny or Die!

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Funny or Die!

Now appearing on the Funny or Die home page… My “Join The Republican Party” video!

Please click on the above, and be sure to vote 😉

Thanks much!

Joe

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Hookah Burger!!!

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Hookah Burger!!!

Ok, so where did this bit of madness come from?

There’s a tiny stand-alone restaurant in our neighborhood. It used to be some kind of “Wrap” place, then it was empty for years.

Finally, a minor burger chain bought it! Hurray! And with a college nearby, it should be a huge success, right?

Nope. New seats. Outdoor TVs. Cheap plastic barrier and fence with plastic plants. New heaters.

Nothing.

So… The owners set it up as a Hookah place instead!

Sure. That’s a natural transition.

… and … it’s dormant again.

But I can still wish for “Hookah Burger!!!”

BTW, there’s a real “Hookah Burger” restaurant in Russia.
You can visit them here (WARNING! Slightly NSFW!): Hookah Burger Russia

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Ode to Obi-Wan

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Ode to Obi-Wan

(from “Star Wars: A Forced Musical”)

aired on the Dr Demento Thanksgiving show Nov 18, 2017 (click for info)

Illustrations by K. Woo (On Instagram – click here!)
Lyrics and Voice by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2017 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump
www.JoesDump.com
Not a Quinn-Martin Production

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Ode to Obi-Wan
(from “Star Wars: A Forced Musical”)
Written by: Joe J Thomas

Oh my father was full of midichlorians they say
That’s why the force in me is so hot
I’d go out in my speeder shootin’ womp rats all day
But now tell me what have I got?

If you’re gonna be a Jedi
You wanna have a dead eye
With a saber or blaster gun
But you gotta have a master
When you’re headed for disaster
Oh the man that you want’s Obi-Wan

He’s a guy who knew your father
But don’t you go and bother
Asking what dear ole’ dad become
Cuz you might be relater
To someone named Darth Vader
No you can’t trust that old Obi-Wan

Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan!
Did you know that he trained Anakin?

If you’re the type of mister
Who’d go and kiss his sister
And fly round with a guy named Han
Get your butt to Dagobah
You gotta train with Yoda
See the ghost of your friend, meet your paw in the end
But it all began with Obi-Wan

If you sneak into the Death Star
And your Jedi skills are sub-par
All your friends will be suffer-un
You could lose a hand to daddy
See a sarlaac eat a baddy
Have a trash bin squeezin’ your buns

You may meet in a cantina
With a ugly dude who’s meaner
Than a Wookie with fleas by gum
Or hear ghosts in your X-Wing
Say your nav comp is a bad thing
Never watch movies three, two, or one

Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan!
Get the heck out my head Obi-Wan!

If you’re knocked out by a Wampa
Or stuffed into a Ton-ton
Win a race on the Kessel run
Defeat an evil empire
Then dance around a campfire
Carbonite, Saber Fight, Ewoks might die of fright
Heck you might even see Obi-Wan

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

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Henderson and Havner: episode 24!

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Henderson and Havner, episode 24 – “It’s Exactly Who You Suspected”

Henderson and Havner


In today’s episode:

Just who’s behind Los Angeles’s crippling footwear crime wave? And who is the Marauding Marauder? And do we really trust H&H to figure all that out? *** SEASON 3 FINALE! ***

Listen to episode 24 of this exclusive series from Pendant Productions:

      HandH24master

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Trump Feelings via Dr Otto

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My Feelings on Trump, as Expressed by Dr. Otto

Only the amazing Jim Varney as Dr. Otto can truly sum up my feelings about Donald Trump:

Treat yourself! Be sure to Buy or Rent “Dr. Otto and the Riddle of the Gloom Beam” on Amazon here!

Bonus!!! Watch my review of “Dr. Otto”, and “Captain Invincible” here:

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Henderson and Havner: episode 23!

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Henderson and Havner, episode 23 – “The Status Quo Returns”

Henderson and Havner


In today’s episode:

H&H get their snoop on with Captain and Chiefy, and uncover surprising information! Also Dr. Anderson is around for some reason.

Listen to episode 23 of this exclusive series from Pendant Productions:

      HandH23master

Continue reading

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