I’m A Virus (parody song)

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I’m A Virus

Parody of “I’m On Fire” by Bruce Springsteen

What can I do with the creepiest song by Springsteen? Make it creepier, of course!

As heard on Dr. Demento!

—>>> Click HERE To Purchase On The FuMP!<<<---

Audio Only:

      ImAVirus_JoesDump

Video at:

Written and sung by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2020, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Explaining Masks For Children (and many others)

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Explaining Masks for Children (and many others)

Explaining Masks for Children

(and many others)

This Spaceship is your Home, the Airlock your front door
Outside is empty space, it’ll make your lungs real sore

You’ll need a helmet to go out, it looks just like a mask
It keeps you and others safe, that is it’s central task

Be sure to wear it properly, to cover mouth and nose
And not around your neck, your chin or way down by your toes

Keep your distance out in space, at least six feet away
That space will keep the gunk and germs and nasty things at bay

Do not remove your helmet, no matter what you do
Not to talk or drink, to bike or run or chew

Just keep it on until you’re home – that is the only way
We’ll all be safe… Our lungs will thank you every single day!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Virus Newspaper

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Virus Newspaper

What if the virus had a newspaper?

Here’s the latest edition… in Spanish and English:

(click here for the English Edition)

El Periódico del Virus: Edición Pandémica
El Periódico del Virus -Edición Pandémica
Autor: C. 19

¡Buenos días, mis amigos patógenos! Gracias por leer mi continua cobertura de nuestra guerra con la especie humana.

Para esta edición, quiero decir que, aunque las cosas parecen buenas, todavía queda mucho trabajo por hacer.

Primero, debemos continuar atacando a las personas cuando menos lo esperan. Cuando se tocan la cara, tosen o estornudan, o incluso cuando están demasiado cerca el uno del otro. ¡Este es el momento de atacar! Esté atento a las personas que no usan máscaras. Son los objetivos más fáciles.

Recuerda que la mayoría de las personas son muy estúpidas. Casi el cuarenta por ciento ni siquiera cree en nuestra existencia. Su estupidez es nuestra mejor arma.
Los mejores lugares para ir son la playa, barras, oficinas, y cada área que la gente reúne. Busca para grandes grupos en habitaciones pequeñas. Cuando estas allí, mira para personas que hablar o escupir mucho. Ellos son tu vehículo para extenderse más rápidamente.

“Pero C.”, se podría decir, “Yo solo soy un pequeño virus. ¿Qué puedo hacer para ayudar?

¡Son muchas cosas! Usa “FaceTime” – Ponerse en la cara de alguien. De allí, entra de los ojos, las fosas nasales, o dentro de la boca. Aquí tu viaje comienza… ¡Ahora, infectas! ¡Infectas! ¡Infectas!

Si tú te sientes solo, no te preocupes. Recuerda siempre tener tus hermanos y hermanas. Nosotros estamos allí para te ayudamos.

Para ayudarnos a todos a mantenernos enfocados en nuestra causa, se me ocurrió un lema que todos podemos usar:

“¡Estamos todos juntos en esto!”

English version:

The Virus Newspaper: Pandemic Edition
Author: C. 19

Good morning, my pathogenic friends! Thank you for reading my continued coverage of our war with the human species.

For this edition, I want to say that although things look good, there is still a lot of work to do.

First, we must continue to attack people when they least expect it. When they touch their faces, they cough or sneeze, or even when they are too close to each other. This is the time to attack! Watch out for people who do not wear masks. They are the easiest targets.

Remember that most people are very stupid. Almost forty percent do not even believe in our existence. Their stupidity is our best weapon.

The best places to go are the beach, bars, offices, and every area that people gather. Search for large groups in small rooms. When you are there, watch for people who talk or spit a lot. They are your vehicle to spread more quickly.

“But C.”, you might say, “I’m just a little virus. What can I do to help?

Are a lot of things! Use “FaceTime” – Put yourself on someone’s face. From there, enter the eyes, the nostrils, or into the mouth. Here your journey begins … Now, infect! Infect! Infect!

If you feel lonely, do not worry. Always remember to have your brothers and sisters. We are there to help you.

To help us all stay focused on our cause, I came up with a motto that we can all use:

“We are all in this together!”

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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¡I’m Speaking Spanish!

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¡I’m Speaking Spanish!

I'm Speaking Spanish! (Joe's Dump Banner)
(parody of Billy Joel’s “I May Be Crazy”)

Nouns… Verbs… Conjugation!
Learning Spanish for 3+ years. Wrote a song. You will listen to pay for my lessons!

(and if you don’t speak Spanish, badly translated lyrics are in this video 😉 )

—>>> Click HERE To Purchase On The FuMP!<<<---

Audio Only:

      ImSpeakingSpanish_JoesDump

Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
www.JoesDump.com
Copyright 2020, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Mask Confusion

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Mask Confusion

There’s a lot of bad information out there about Covid-19 (Coronavirus) and Masks.

So, let’s try to set the record straight on Masks:

  • Masks protect others from you. (non-medical ones, that is) They do very little to protect you from others. I wear a mask to protect you. You wear a mask to protect me.
  • They must be worn correctly over the nose and mouth. Not just the mouth. Or just the nose. Or around your neck.
  • Don’t put the mask on and off repeatedly. This means your touching your face more, and that’s bad for you. Just put it on before you leave the house. Leave it on until you get home and can wash your hands.
  • Everyone should be wearing a mask outside of the house. Everyone. Not just parents. Or elderly. Or people not running and biking. Everyone. That’s how we get through this faster.
  • Masks are not a substitute for Social Distancing. You still need to stay 6 feet or more away from others. Remember: the mask is not to protect you – it’s to stop you from spreading the virus to others.
  • Wear a mask even if you feel well. Covid-19 can and does spread without any symptoms. So just because you feel well doesn’t mean you don’t have the virus… and are spreading it to others.

ALSO! Wash your hands. Don’t touch your face.

Got more advice? Feel free to comment below. And I will be deleting inaccurate comments. It’s my blog – deal with it!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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WordPress: One Week to a New Website

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WordPress: One Week to a New Website

My old website had been neglected for a while. I needed a new, fresh look. And I needed the content to be easier to update. Maybe even have it automatically update!
JoeActor.com New and Old
One week ago I installed WordPress onto a sub-domain of my JoeActor site. This allowed me to work on the new site without disturbing the old one. Installation of WordPress was a breeze.

If you’re thinking “But, Joe, WordPress is only for blogging!” Well, yes and no. It has two types of content: Posts (used for blog entries) and Pages (static web pages). When you build a site using only Pages, it’s just another website. The advantages are it’s easier to maintain and updates automatically. Plus if you’d like to add a blog later on, it’s already built in.

Choosing a theme for my new site was next. For those of you new to WordPress, the theme is the look and feel of the site. Fonts, menus, etc. I selected the “OceanWP” theme. Very flexible, clean look, and adaptable to all devices (computers, tablets and phones).

The old site was a bit too complicated and required frequent content updates to stay relevant. To get around that, I decided to eliminate the “News” page. I also changed my “Resume” page to automatically display my IMDb information instead (there’s a plug-in for that!). This means that my new site will always be up-to-date on the resume and news, and it’s less complicated for visitors.

My final and most difficult task was to rewrite the home page. This is the first thing that visitors will see, so it’s very important. I worked with my wife and some friends for the “About” text. I also included my contact information and main demos. One new element is a rotating slide-show at the bottom. This shows companies I’ve worked with, projects, and major roles. New slides can be easily added as I land more work.

So, that’s it! The new site is up and can be viewed at JoeActor.com – take a peek and feel free to comment if you’d like.

And if you’re considering WordPress for your site, let me know in the comments as well. I’ll try to answer any questions here.

Cheers,
Joe J Thomas
JoeActor.com

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Bronchitis Top Ten! (staying positive)

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Bronchitis Top Ten! (staying positive)

Hey! I’m on vacation! Perfect time for a bout of bronchitis!

In the spirit of staying positive, here’s my top ten good things about it:

  1. Makes vacation seem *way* longer.
  2. Finally catching up on 23 hrs of sleep per day.
  3. Learning new medical terms in Spanish.
  4. Finding out “”Bronchitis” wasn’t one of the Jurassic Park characters.
  5. Absolutely sure I’m not yellow/green color-blind. (ewwww…)
  6. Meeting new professionals – Doctors!
  7. Testing out the foreign health care system (it’s pretty good!)
  8. Got the whole “Coughing from my shoes” sound down for VO.
  9. Remembering that others have it worse (Truth!)
  10. Bonding with my wife… ‘cuz she got it too. (sorry, dear)

Bonus! Coughing is really good for the abs and core 😉

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Joe’s Bassment: If I Didn’t Care (Nutcracker!)

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Joe's Bassment Logo

Joe’s Bassment: If I Didn’t Care (Nutcracker!)

How low can Joe go?
Cover Versions of Popular Songs in the Key of Bass

Normally on Joe’s Bassment, I sing a popular song in a lower key… But not this week!

I’m taking the “Joe’s Dump Nutcracker Challenge!” and doing this song in it’s original key… Including the highest note I’ve ever sung!

Dedicated to my lovely wife, here’s “If I Didn’t Care” by The Ink Spots and The Platters:

Enjoy!

      If I Didn't Care - JoeActor - ThanksGiving 2019

If I Didn’t Care (Joe’s Bassment: Joe J Thomas)

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“If I Didn’t Care”
Cover version by: Joe J Thomas
Original by: The Ink Spots
If I didn’t care more than words can say
If I didn’t care would I feel this way?
If this isn’t love then why do I thrill?
And what makes my head go ’round and ’round
While my heart stands still?

If I didn’t care would it be the same?
Would my ev’ry prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn’t care for you?

Optional… Monologue:
If I didn’t care honey child, mo’ than words can say. If I didn’t care baby, would I feel this way? Darlin’ if this isn’t love, then why do I thrill so much? What is it that makes my head go ’round and ’round while my heart just stands still so much?

If I didn’t care would it be the same?
Would my ev’ry prayer begin and end with just your name?
And would I be sure that this is love beyond compare?
Would all this be true if I didn’t care for you?

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

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We’re Shopping At The Mall

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We’re Shopping At The Mall

Parody of “The Winner Takes It All” by Abba and Carla Bruni

Are you a husband? Have you been dragged to the mall for “The Shopping”? If you’ve been there, this song’s for you…

Now airing on The Dr. Demento Show!

…and available for download and purchase at The FuMP!!!

      WereShoppingAtTheMall_JoesDump

Written and Sung by: Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All rights reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
Run time: 3:11

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
I don’t understand… What you want to buy here
Purses, clothes and shoes
Any way I lose
I’m carrying the bags… Anything for you, dear
Oh my aching back
I think it’s out of whack
We’re Shopping at the Mall
My wife just bought it all
It won’t fit in the car
I need to find a bar
Then we got some lunch… Something from the food court
I wanted Peiking Duck
But I was out of luck
The burger they served me… Wasn’t of the meat sort
It smelled of month-old grease
Could we just go home please?
And then she turned to me
As happy as can be
That’s when I knew for sure
That I must still endure
We’re Shopping at the Mall
My wife just bought it all
I’d better call the man
To bring a U-Haul van
Does she know I’m here? Why is she still shopping?
Maybe I should speak
My legs are getting weak
We’re never going home… There is just no stopping
Have I lost my mind?
Or just lost track of time?
My credit card’s aflame
I can’t recall my name
How long have we been here
It really seems like years
The room is spinning round
I tumble to the ground
The medics heard my call
We’re Shopping at the Mall
We’re Shopping at the Mall
mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
We’re Shopping at the Mall
We’re Shopping at the Mall

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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