Sixty Candles! (another Birthday Song)

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Sixty Candles

by: Joe J Thomas

(parody of Sixteen Candles by The Crests)

Birthday Cake Fire - Joe's Dump

      SixtyCandles_JoesDump

I’m writing a birthday song for every decade.
My last one was “Don’t Worry, You’re Fifty”.

Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Sixty Candles
by: Joe J Thomas
(parody of Sixteen Candles by The Crests)
Happy birthday. You look kind of shaky.
Oh, you are so old.
Sixty candles. What a frightening sight.
Because they’re setting your house alight (set your house alight)
Blow out the candles. Dial nine one one.
This birthday party is no longer fun. (it’s no longer fun)
You’re over sixty. (sixty)
And on the senior scene. (senior scene)
You’ve got pension. And dentures.
And membership in AARP.
(AARP, yeah)
Sixty candles set your house aglow.
Now ash is falling from the sky like snow. (from the sky like snow)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Fly Trump To The Moon! (parody song)

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Fly Trump To The Moon! (parody song)

*** Warning! F-Bomb! (but it’s a classy one) ***

by: Joe J Thomas

(parody of Sinatra’s “Fly Me To The Moon”)

Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

FREE! Wallpaper!!!
Trump in a Rocket Ride - Joe's Dump

      Fly Trump To The Moon (Joe J Thomas)

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Fly Trump To The Moon!
by: Joe J Thomas
www.JoesDump.com

(parody of Sinatra’s “Fly Me To The Moon”)

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Fly Trump to the moon
Let him drift among the stars
Let him see if he can breathe
On a-Jupiter and Mars

In other words: Space Force One!
In other words: Donald, bite me!

Make us great again
You can resign, you crashing bore
Give me what I long for
Trump behind a prison door

In other words: Your time is due…
In other words: Trump, Fuck You!

– music break –

Mueller’s coming soon
Your family’s downfall is assured
Retribution’s on the way
For what we’ve all endured

In other words: Your time is due…
In other words…
In other words: Trump, Fuck … You!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Would You Kill Baby Hitler?

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Would You Kill Baby Hitler?

a poem by Joe J Thomas

Hitler Animals - Joe's Dump

Would you kill baby Hitler?
If you could go back in time.
Knowing what he might become.
Or would you give him love.
Care for him.
Educate him.
Raise him with a broadened perspective.
It may sound silly.
But these are the choices we face every day.
And what would happen if Hitler were a different person?
The people who wanted him.
Those who used him for their causes.
The ones who rode the wave of power.
And wanted to be superior to others.
Wouldn’t they all still be there?
And would the outcome really change?
There’s only one way to know.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Top 10 VO Scam Signs

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Top 10 VO Scam Signs

Scams are rampant in the Voice Over industry. So how can you spot one?

Here are my “Top 10” signs for VO Scams (in no particular order):

  • Promises you’ll make millions (or even billions)
  • Gives you a “professional” demo at the end of a very expensive class
  • Tells you all you need is a microphone and their exclusive secret method
  • Claims to be famous but only has 1 IMDB credit (and it’s a short film where they’re the director/producer/star/etc.)
  • Runs a “Pay-To-Play” site
  • Their website has misspellings.. a *lot* of misspellings.
  • Lists student success stories, but you can’t find any of the students online
  • Has their own demos on a free Wix site, Soundcloud, or V123
  • All of their “insider industry connections” are pictures of them with famous people at conventions
  • You can’t find anyone who admits being trained by them

The best protection against being scammed: Do your research. Ask around. Be cautious.

It’s your responsibility to protect your money, career and reputation.

Good luck out there!
Joe

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Mooseferatu!

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Mooseferatu: Midnight of the Elk

Mooseferatu: Midnight of the Elk (Joe's Dump)

(an original winter’s poem by Joe J Thomas)

Gather round, my calves, and you shall hear
A chilling tale of dread and fear
When day turns to night and you hear a deep “Mooooooo”!
Outside in the dark roams Mooseferatu!

He walks through the bog with his antlers aglow
A frightening sight that few shall dare know
For those who aren’t careful, he jumps from the trees
They shout in sheer terror and fall to their knees

Above all he looms – seven feet at the shoulder
Just seeing his shadow will make you feel colder
The wings on his back, sharp fangs in his mouth
There’s no use in running to the north or the south

If lady luck stands by you this winter’s night
Perhaps you’ll escape the horrible sight
Some say he’s a myth, a legend or lore
They whisper it quietly while barring the door

So when you go out in winter’s cold chill
Be certain you are wary behind every hill
Keep to the highlands – don’t go down below
Or risk Mooseferatu’s dark mournful lowe!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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MatriXmas: Jingle Bells

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MatriXmas: Jingle Bells

Original Lyrics to “Jingles Bells” + Spybreak! by Propellerheads = MatriXmas

A non-original song parody from Joe’s Dump!

Time for some Holiday METAL that’s not tinsel …

Video:

Audio:

      MatriXmas: Jingle Bells by Joe's Dump

Poster:
MatriXmas: Jingle Bells by Joe's Dump
 
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
MatriXmas: Jingle Bells
(Jingle Bells lyrics set to Spybreak! by Propellerheads)
by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump

…Santa needs a ride.

[Verse 1]
Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
O’er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to ride and sing
A sleighing song tonight

[Chorus]
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh, hey
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh

…Frosty Snowballs
…Winter Warlock

[Verse 2]
A day or two ago
I thought I’d take a ride
And soon, Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
He got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot

[Chorus]

…Kringle down your Chimney
…Bumbles Bounce

[Verse 3]
A day or two ago
The story I must tell
I went out on the snow
And on my back I fell
A gent was riding by
In a one-horse open sleigh
He laughed as there I sprawling lie
But quickly drove away

[Chorus]

…Burgermeister Meisterburger
…I want to be a dentist

[Verse 4]
Now the ground is white
Go it while you’re young
Take the girls tonight
And sing this sleighing song
Just get a bobtailed bay
Two forty as his speed
Hitch him to an open sleigh
And crack, you’ll take the lead

… Jingle my Bells
… Open Sleigh
… Hey!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Political Artwork

Gallery

This gallery contains 22 photos.

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Political Artwork Over the last 3+ years, I’ve been, uh… inspired? driven? annoyed? … to create a number of Political Artwork pieces. Some are graphics, some songs, posts, etc. Below, in random order, are some of the graphic ones. Maybe … Continue reading

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The Power of Voice Over – Part II

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The Power of Voice Over – Part II

Time for another slightly altered commercial!

As voice actors, we often get caught up in the process, and forget the impact that our voices can have on a production.

I’ve been seeing a new commercial for United Health Care and AARP with people navigating a hedge maze aptly named “Navigate the Medicare Maze with UnitedHealthcare”.

I wondered how much the feel of the commercial could be changed just by adding some background voices (aka. “Walla”). Aside from the new Walla, everything else (video, music) is the same.

Here’s my take on the commercial: “Beware! The Medicare Maze!”

… and for your reference, the original is here:

What other ways could you interpret this spot? How can your voice breath life into the productions you’re involved in?

Stay creative, my friends!
Joe

P.S. Here’s the first commercial I altered “Olivia’s Evil Wish”

The Power of Voice Over

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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The IMDb 100 Club

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The IMDb 100 Club

My IMDb listing stands at 99 credits.

Joe J Thomas - IMDB 99 - JoeActor
Joe’s IMDb Listing (click here to see)

I may pass 100 this year.

Now, those of you who know me might recall that I’m not very hot on awards.
So let’s call this a Milestone instead.

Rituals and Milestones. Rites of Passage.

Although it doesn’t change how I pursue my career, it is nice to see some measure of real-world progress.

What are your personal Milestones?

What things in your career help you to appreciate the strides and progress you’ve made?

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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