MatriXmas: Jingle Bells

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MatriXmas: Jingle Bells

Original Lyrics to “Jingles Bells” + Spybreak! by Propellerheads = MatriXmas

A non-original song parody from Joe’s Dump!

Time for some Holiday METAL that’s not tinsel …

Video:

Audio:

      MatriXmas: Jingle Bells by Joe's Dump

Poster:
MatriXmas: Jingle Bells by Joe's Dump
 
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
MatriXmas: Jingle Bells
(Jingle Bells lyrics set to Spybreak! by Propellerheads)
by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump

…Santa needs a ride.

[Verse 1]
Dashing through the snow
In a one-horse open sleigh
O’er the fields we go
Laughing all the way
Bells on bobtails ring
Making spirits bright
What fun it is to ride and sing
A sleighing song tonight

[Chorus]
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh, hey
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Jingle all the way
Oh what fun it is to ride
In a one-horse open sleigh

…Frosty Snowballs
…Winter Warlock

[Verse 2]
A day or two ago
I thought I’d take a ride
And soon, Miss Fanny Bright
Was seated by my side
The horse was lean and lank
Misfortune seemed his lot
He got into a drifted bank
And then we got upsot

[Chorus]

…Kringle down your Chimney
…Bumbles Bounce

[Verse 3]
A day or two ago
The story I must tell
I went out on the snow
And on my back I fell
A gent was riding by
In a one-horse open sleigh
He laughed as there I sprawling lie
But quickly drove away

[Chorus]

…Burgermeister Meisterburger
…I want to be a dentist

[Verse 4]
Now the ground is white
Go it while you’re young
Take the girls tonight
And sing this sleighing song
Just get a bobtailed bay
Two forty as his speed
Hitch him to an open sleigh
And crack, you’ll take the lead

… Jingle my Bells
… Open Sleigh
… Hey!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Dotard Featherhead

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Fresh from the Dr. Demento show… My new song!

“Dotard Featherhead!”
(a song about a somewhat fictional president)

Dotard: a weak-minded old person
Featherhead: a foolish scatterbrain

(parody of John Denver’s “Grandma’s Feather Bed”)
by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump

Copyright 2018, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump JoesDump.com
All rights reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~

When I was a tiny little lad my daddy said to me
Son you can set your mind to be anything you wanna be
A rodeo clown or a fireman
You could even be president
But the worst dang one in the U S of A
Was Dotard Featherhead!

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

He only hires the bestest folks,
They spend ‘n waste ‘n collude
He talks about the nukes and the coal
Then he holds a rally or two
The White House has a revolving door,
When he tweets off comes your head
Pretty soon the only one left
Will be Dotard Featherhead

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

(music)

Well he loves his base and he loves the Klan,
Putin and Kim Jong Un
He bankrupt casinos, steaks and schools
Got a golden toilet too, ew!
But if you ask the CIA, FBI or the feds
That noose is getting mighty tight
Around Dotard Featherhead

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Pay-2-Play Parody Song

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Pay-2-Play Parody Song


by Joe J Thomas

(parody of “If I Could Read Your Mind, Love” by Gordon Lightfoot)

… and if you like this one, you might also enjoy this:

Alone Again, In The Booth

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
I joined a pay-to-play site
‘Cuz I got my voice to sell
They send me lots of auditions
And I’m doin’ really well
Then I reach the part where the paycheck comes
A dollar ninety three
Are you frickin’ kiddin’ me?!?!?
This headset mic is really boss
It’ll take me twenty bucks to pay it off
~~~
If I could read your copy
For a product you’d like to sell
Be on a national commercial
The kind that pays my bills
Maybe I could be on a cartoon show
And be famous on TV
Or a hero in a game
The Simpsons or an Anime
Can’t you see I only need a break
~~~
My fans would think I’m a movie star
With a mansion on the beach
Or maybe even two
With lots of green, I’m on the scene with paparazzi crowding all round me
But for now I should be real
I never learned how to act on stage
And I’ve got to say that they just don’t get it
I don’t know where I went wrong
But my money’s gone and I just can’t get it back
~~~ (end) ~~~

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Ode to Obi-Wan

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Ode to Obi-Wan

(from “Star Wars: A Forced Musical”)

aired on the Dr Demento Thanksgiving show Nov 18, 2017 (click for info)

Illustrations by K. Woo (On Instagram – click here!)
Lyrics and Voice by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2017 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump
www.JoesDump.com
Not a Quinn-Martin Production

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Ode to Obi-Wan
(from “Star Wars: A Forced Musical”)
Written by: Joe J Thomas

Oh my father was full of midichlorians they say
That’s why the force in me is so hot
I’d go out in my speeder shootin’ womp rats all day
But now tell me what have I got?

If you’re gonna be a Jedi
You wanna have a dead eye
With a saber or blaster gun
But you gotta have a master
When you’re headed for disaster
Oh the man that you want’s Obi-Wan

He’s a guy who knew your father
But don’t you go and bother
Asking what dear ole’ dad become
Cuz you might be relater
To someone named Darth Vader
No you can’t trust that old Obi-Wan

Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan!
Did you know that he trained Anakin?

If you’re the type of mister
Who’d go and kiss his sister
And fly round with a guy named Han
Get your butt to Dagobah
You gotta train with Yoda
See the ghost of your friend, meet your paw in the end
But it all began with Obi-Wan

If you sneak into the Death Star
And your Jedi skills are sub-par
All your friends will be suffer-un
You could lose a hand to daddy
See a sarlaac eat a baddy
Have a trash bin squeezin’ your buns

You may meet in a cantina
With a ugly dude who’s meaner
Than a Wookie with fleas by gum
Or hear ghosts in your X-Wing
Say your nav comp is a bad thing
Never watch movies three, two, or one

Obi-Wan! Obi-Wan!
Get the heck out my head Obi-Wan!

If you’re knocked out by a Wampa
Or stuffed into a Ton-ton
Win a race on the Kessel run
Defeat an evil empire
Then dance around a campfire
Carbonite, Saber Fight, Ewoks might die of fright
Heck you might even see Obi-Wan

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

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Man of Collusion – Parody Song

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“Man of Collusion” (parody of “Land of Confusion” by Genesis)

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“Man of Collusion”
(parody of “Land of Confusion” by Genesis)
Lyrics and Vocals by Joe J Thomas
———-
He’s cooking up a thousand schemes
Inspiring a million memes
But I can read his midnight tweets
I’ll bet his phone overheats

Now did you watch Fox News today?
They say the danger’s gone away
But CNN’s still ringing in my ears
Showing all the president’s fears

There’s alternate facts
Too many lies
Constitutional crisis
And not much truth to go round
Can’t you see this is a man of collusion?

Putin helps Trump with winning
Top secrets are what he’s giving
The Whitehouse is all on trial
His voters in deep denial. Yeah.

Hey businessman where are you now?
Off golfing like some well fed cow
Or hiding in your golden tower
You’re losing control of your power

There isn’t a wall
No health plan or tax
There’s obstruction of justice
But there’s not much truth to go round
When can we convict these men of collusion?

Kushner and Flynn and Sessions
Have gotten the Russian’s blessings
With Manafort, Page and Stone
Protected with Trump by Michael Cohen

Trump teases Kim Jong Un
He acts like a New York goon
This tiny brained orange hair villain
Is toying around with killin’ us

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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The Hell of Diets!

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The Hell of Diets!

“The Hell of Diets!”
by Joe J Thomas

(a parody of “The Sound of Silence” by Disturbed and Simon & Garfunkel)

Copyright 2016, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump
All Rights Reserved
Not a Quinn-Martin Production

The Hell of Diets! (title card)
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“The Hell of Diets!”
by Joe J Thomas Continue reading

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Livin’ with Fast Food!

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“Livin’ With Fast Food”

(parody song of “Life in the Fast Lane” by The Eagles)

Concept and Lyrics by: Joe J Thomas
Voice, Guitar, and Mix by: Power Salad

Copyright: Joe J Thomas and JoesDump.com 2015
All Rights Reserved
Not A Quinn-Martin Production

—— Lyrics ——
“Livin’ With Fast Food”
Continue reading

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You Don’t Mess with Donald’s Hair!

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You Don’t Mess with Donald’s Hair

(a parody tribute for Donald Trump)

Written and performed by Joe J Thomas

      *** DOWNLOAD THE MP3 HERE ***

~~~ Lyrics ~~~ Continue reading

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Copyright, Copywrong?

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Copyright, Copywrong?

*** Disclaimer: I am not a lawyer, and I don’t claim to know the law. The following is just my personal experience in one area of copyright… Reader discretion is advised! ***

How is a major record label making money off of my song?

Well, if you do parodies, sooner or later someone’s gonna notice and claim copyright.

For me, that happened with a parody I did of Brad Paisley’s “Mr. Policeman”, and posted it on YouTube. Ironically, my parody is about Legal Disclaimers:

Copyright is a thorny issue, to be sure. I can understand both sides.
Continue reading

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