Happy AllTheDays! (er, Holidays)

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Happy AllTheDays! (er, Holidays)

a short poem by Joe J Thomas
in honor of holidays in California, 2015

It’s one week after Halloween
No chill is in the air
With temperatures in the eighties
And skies sunny and fair
Although the tinseled trees displayed
At stores across the town
I just can’t feel the spirit
With two months counting down
Each year the holidays come sooner
I’m pretty sure we’ll see
December having fireworks
And May with Christmas trees
So here’s a plan that I’ll enact
I hope you’ll follow suit
All holidays are on my house
From the basement to the roof
St Nick is on the rooftop
Skeletons by the street
The Easter Bunny’s in the yard
With Dreidels by his feet
A Leprechaun is by the fountain
With American flags in his gold
The New Year’s baby crawls on the porch
And a turkey leg he holds
With all the other holidays
Displayed around my house
The grass will wither soon and die
That’s good news for the drought!

Happy AllTheDays

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Long Feet, Short Femurs

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Long Feet, Short Femurs

Shopping for socks. Why is it that whatever ones I buy always seem to grab my toes like some boa constrictor? Are my feet abnormally long or something? I mean, I know my second toe is longer than the big toe. That’s normal, right? Based on sock manufacturers, I have to conclude that everyone just has smaller feet than me. Or they’re fine with their feet being bound, unable to wiggle their toes.

Shopping for a sofa. Why is it that whatever sofa I sit on, the seat is always way too deep? It’s the perfect depth between being an actual couch, and a couch with an ottoman. I guess I could buy some throw pillows so my back can actually touch something when my feet are on the floor. Maybe that’s it! It’s a conspiracy between the couch makers union and the throw pillow makers union. (checks online for throw pillow makers union) Nope. I guess that’s not it. I guess I just have to conclude that everyone else has longer femurs than I do.

So, to all of the long-legged, short-footed people buying stuff out there… Congratulations! You’ve flooded the market with your merchandise and I can’t find anything!

Now then, on to more important matters.

Why are my sleeves always so long?!?!?!?

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Voice Over Limericks!

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Voice Over Limericks Logo

Fiverr Ten
A desperate guy named Ted
Wrote a Fiverr ad which read:
“For five bucks I’ll voice”
“Whatever’s your choice”
“And for ten you’ll get breakfast in bed!”

DAW, Doh!
Is your system a Mac or PC?
AIF, WAV, MP3?
When you’re starting VO
It’s important to know
What’s better? Protools or Adobe?

Re: Union
The union will give you a say
As a group we have more sway Continue reading

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Digital Legacy

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Digital Legacy

I am immortal.
Well, at least my data is.
Blog posts, emails, social media…
Videos, photos, and audio recordings.
Government and industry data.
Medical and financial records.
Radio and TV broadcast around the earth and into space.
How much will be left after I’ve gone?
And yet…
Before any of these technological marvels.
It was the memory of family and friends where one lingered.
That’s still true today.
I think I may prefer that to immortality.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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(conspiracy theory)

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Conspiracy Theory: Conspiracy Theory

Conspiracy from the halls of power
Governments, Religions, Industries
They meet in secret
Secured in VPN tunneled chats
In person at clandestine locations
Guarded by muscle, money and technology
The powerful ones decide
Which Conspiracy Theory to foster
Keep the masses busy… Preoccupied
Angry at something, or someone else
Like jingling the keys in front of an infant
We watch, and talk, and argue
While they do whatever they want
And they get away with it
Because we are easily led
Conspiracy Theories
Terrorists, Vaccines, UFOs, Planetary Alignment
They push them out to the publicity machine
Like drug dealers to the junkies
And the truth is buried under a mountain of meaningless noise
This is my Conspiracy Theory Conspiracy Theory

Guardian of the Internet

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Sounds Familiar

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Sounds Familiar

a short poem by Joe J Thomas

Barking out orders to infantrymen
Clucking like a chicken
Asking questions in Klingon

A sixty year old teacher in South Africa
A teenage Russian
The British voice in museums

A fight with Superman
The leader of the X-Men
A nameless evil from the pit

My job.
My voice.
What’s next?

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Moment by Moment

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Moment by Moment

… just some nice thoughts for the new year …

2am: my wife and I are awoken by a neighbor’s car horn blaring across the street.

I think the cat’s still asleep at the bottom of the bed.

We both get up and check out the situation.
Others are trying to silence the car outside.
I make a quick call, and our local police inform me they already know and are sending a truck.

The car horn stops.

… silence …

We both get back into the warm bed, and the cat moves over to lay on my left foot.
My wife rolls over to hold me and drool on my shoulder.

… moment …

Continue reading

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The Kruelest Fruit

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The Kruelest Fruit

a poem by Joe J Thomas

Oh! Tiny orange, how you mock me!
Once the peel is gone, all is empty.

Bitter and pithy; the agony complete.
A broken promise of taste so sweet.

They hide you in baked goods, cookies and pies.
Drench you in sugar and chocolate to cover the lies.

But they cannot conceal the ultimate truth.
Oh! Kumquat you are most certainly the kruelest fruit.

Kumquats

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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