Cat Day Afternoon

… a true story by Joe J Thomas

Players:

• Nez: (inside cat, IQ 168, cute factor A+)
• Nekotard: (outside cat, IQ 5, cute factor C-)
• Me: (dog-human, IQ dropping, cute factor “ask my wife”)

Time: Just after lunch

Me: (thinking) gotta knock some stuff out … laundry, shave-shit-shower, back to work
Nez: keck keck keck
Me: not on the carpet (moves Nez to the hardwood floor…)
Nez: bleargh
Me: it’s ok sweetie, I’ll clean it
Nekotard: mohw
Me: shhhh, it’s not food time yet
Me: (cleaning up cat barf…)
Nez: crunch crunch
Me: uh, should you be eating already?
Me: ok gonna shower
Nekotard: mohw
Me: not yet…
Me: (start shaving…)
Nez: keck keck keck
Me: (shouting) not on the carpet
Nez: bleargh bleargh bleargh bleargh bleargh
Me: (finish shaving, throw on clothes, find 27.3 carpet bombs…)
Me: (move cat, move coffee table, find Resolve, clean, clean clean…)
Nez: crunch crunch
Me: don’t you think you should wait just a bit?
Me: (finish bathroom activities, vacuum now-dry carpet)
Nekotard: poop poop poop poop poop
Me: What?!?! Why did you poop on the patio?
Me: (hosing cat poop off patio) Guess who’s not getting fed until I feel like it?!?!?

Time: Just before dinner

Me: Where the heck did my afternoon go?!?!?!?
Nekotard: meaaraararawwooowow?
Me: (thinking) time to feed the cats
Me: (feeding Nez) good girl! come get the foods!
Nekotard: mewalwowowoaoowoww???
Me: no, I don’t think so… (leaves for dinner)

Time: Just after dinner

Nekotard: meeearareaaaowoowowooowowoowoaooaoswwwww!!!
Me: (yeah… I fed her)