He Put Cheese On (parody of The Band Played On)

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He Put Cheese On (parody of The Band Played On)

Last and only promotional from The Wearable Cheese Council of Northern America (1892-1893)

–> CLICK HERE! to buy it on The FuMP! <--

*** as heard on the Dr. Demento Show! ***

(Audio version)

      He Put Cheese On (Joe J Thomas)

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
He Put Cheese On
(to the tune of “And The Band Played On”)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

Charlie wore cheddar cause he wanted to bed her
Yes he put cheese on
With a collar of Swiss he would woo a young miss
When he put cheese on
The ladies paid homage to his clothes made of fromage
His cheesy demeanor was sharp
The dapper young suitor with a vest made of Goudah
He had put cheese on

He used camembert for a flair in his hair
Oh he combed cheese on
There was brie on his shoulder, for his shoes gorgonzola
Sure he put cheese on
She knew that he’d get her with his tie made from feta
Mozzarella suspenders he’d donned
They left out the back in a Monterey Jack
How they put cheese on

They’ve a gooey liaison on his couch of parmesan
And they got cheese on
As she fumbled and felt him his socks started melting
Oh they had cheese on
While removing their clothing she stopped with a loathing
His underwear caused her to turn
With that limburger smell she could certainly tell
That he put cheese on!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Wakey, Wakey! Dump On Breaky! Two!

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Wakey, Wakey! Dump On Breaky! Two!

After eleventy quadmillion weekly posts, I’m gonna take a vacation!
(wheeeee!)

I’ll be back soon with more Songs, Comedy, Animation and Business advice.
(though, you might get a visit from Henderson while I’m out…)

You can also search our archives to find rubber chickens, future tales, and tons of other nonsense!

Or, click here for something completely Random 😉

So, behave yourselves while I’m away…

And I hope everyone has a Happy Holiday Season!

Yakatchasoon,
Joe

image

P.S. Don’t start with me… You know how I get.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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The Song Is You (cover song)

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The Song Is You

This week I’m posting a cover version of “The Song Is You”, as made popular by Frank Sinatra.

The song was composed by Jerome Kern with lyrics by Oscar Hammerstein II for their musical “Music in the Air”

I like to keep my singing chops on par, so I try to challenge myself with new material.

Hope you enjoy it!

      The Song Is You (Sinatra cover song by Joe J Thomas)

More info at: The Song Is You (Wikipedia)

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
“The Song Is You”

I hear music when I look at you
A beautiful theme of every dream I ever knew
Down deep in my heart I hear it play
I can feel it start, then it melts away

I hear music when I touch your hand
A beautiful melody from some enchanted land
Down deep in my heart, I hear it say
“Is this the day?”

I alone have heard this lovely strain
I alone have heard this glad refrain
Must it be forever inside of me?
Why can’t I let it go? Why can’t I let you know?

Why can’t I let you know the song my heart would sing?
Beautiful rhapsody of love and youth and spring
The music is sweet, and the words are true
The song is you
[instrumental]
Why can’t I let you know the song my heart would sing?
That beautiful rhapsody of love and youth and spring
The music is sweet, and the words are true
The song is you

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Spain: Witness Protection Program

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Spain: Witness Protection Program

Since I’ve been in Spain, I’ve uncovered a deep plot to relocate mascots from the USA. I suspect the CIA is involved, in cooperation with local Spanish government officials.

For decades, the USA and Spain have been hiding mascots in their Witness Protection Program. Joe’s Dump blows the lid on this exclusive story!

The evidence is sparse, but here’s what I have so far…

Mr. Clean aka “Don Limpio

Mr. Clean

Mr. Clean

Don Limpio

Don Limpio

This guy’s pretty bold. Same line of work, same look. I’m surprised he hasn’t been apprehended yet, but it seems his record is squeaky clean. To his credit, he’s changed a bunch of times: aka “Mr. Proper” aka “Maestro Limpio” aka “Mastro Lindo” aka “Meister Proper” aka “Pan Proper” aka “Mister Proper” aka “M. Net” aka “Monsieur Propre”

Laughing Cow aka “La Vaca Que Ríe

Laughing Cow

Laughing Cow

La Vaca Que Ríe

La Vaca Que Ríe

You’d be laughing too if you got to be pampered like this cow. A little hard to spot, but I think she got a nose job with the relocation.

Spongebob Squarepants aka “Bob Esponja

Spongebob Squarepants

Spongebob Squarepants

Bob Esponja

Bob Esponja

Evidence is a bit sketchy. Could only find an artist’s rendering on SBSP.

Buzz “Honeynut” Bee aka “(Abeja) Miel Pops

Buzz "Honeynut" Bee

Buzz “Honeynut” Bee

(Abeja) Miel Pops

(Abeja) Miel Pops

Easily the best disguise of the bunch. Plastic surgery, new outfit, plus… glasses. Even moved from one company to another. Top notch work by the operatives on this one.

Conclusion:
… I’m not sure where this rabbit hole will eventually lead, but if you tell anyone I told you, I’ll deny everything.

You’ve been warned.

— José Basurero

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Authentic AI Voices

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Authentic AI Voices


(random thoughts from a voice actor)

If you’re a voice actor, I’ll wager you’ve read or been a part of a discussion about AI Voices taking our jobs. Or one about casting for “Authentic” voices for a gig. What follows is some of my thoughts on both topics.

“Authentic” (and other meaningless words)
So, what exactly does “Authentic” mean to you when you see it in a casting notice? The people casting obviously have a reason to ask for “Authentic”. Sometimes it may be that the intended audience is from a particular region and they want to ensure it sounds right to them. Other times, the character is written for a particular ethnicity or sexual preference, etc.

But does that really *mean* anything?!?!? I’m in my 50’s, of Lebanese descent, and was raised in the Midwest. Does this mean I can only play Lebanese guys in their 50’s who are from Cleveland? I worked with a Japanese guy who was raised in Mexico and has a Mexican accent, and a South African who went to school in the UK and has a perfect RP dialect. Are they only limited to their ethnicity or to their childhood accents? And what about anyone with a multi-cultural origin or upbringing?

What is the point of acting? To fully inhabit a character, with all their traits, mannerisms, quirks, etc. To be believable to the audience. For me, that includes the vocal qualities like accent, tone, emotion, etc.

Bottom Line: as a voice actor, who isn’t seen on camera, I should be able to be cast for any role that I can convincingly portray. And so should everyone else.

For those who bring up the very real issue of under-representation for a particular group, I’d say that stems from a lack of opportunity. From the writing, to the casting, and even the funding for projects, whole groups are excluded from even auditioning.

Second Bottom Line: Leveling the playing field means being more inclusive, not less. More opportunity for all, not limiting who can play what. (Shakespeare, anyone? Hamilton?)

AI VOICES (COMING TO STEAL YOUR JOBS!)
AI voices have definitely improved in the 15 years that I’ve been a professional voice actor. They are now good enough to take some of the less demanding jobs. Ones that are just straight information. Phone system prompts. Tech manuals for vision impaired. Voices on trains.

As we move forward into the future, it’s inevitable that AI voices will be doing more VO work. But how much? Will they eventually replace us entirely? I don’t think so. For roles in animation, games, audio books, commercials, etc., where a human voice with emotion and the ability to interpret the subtleties of human interaction in the script is needed, AI will have trouble being believable.

Bottom Line: If you’re doing work that could easily be replaced by an AI voice, now’s a good time to improve your acting skills and make a move to a different genre of VO.

To be honest, I’ve heard my share of really bad Voice Acting… by humans. I don’t know how they got the job in the first place, but if the client sees that AI is cheaper and better, then that’s where they’ll go.

Second Bottom Line: Don’t suck at your job.

Authentic AI Voices
Authentic AI VO Voice Acting

I know AI will eventually replace me as a Voice Actor… but the real question is: Will it have the correct skin color, ethnic origin, religious affiliation, gender designation and sexual preference for the role?

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Converting the Inverted (a poem)

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Converting the Inverted (a poem)


written by Joe J Thomas

While converting the inverted
When a comma was inserted
The professor took a step back and he paused
The result was so insulting
That he went to go consulting
With a colleague who just simple hemmed and hawed
There is something in this figure
That will simply zag or zig your
Mind into an itty bitty little loop
The scientists continued late
Their discourse did insinuate
The logic wrapped their brains up in a hoop
When the answer finally hit them
It was far too late to get them
To the publisher in time to be renowned
So they ended at an eatery
To imbibe and have some meatery
On the morrow it is likely they’ll rebound!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)

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Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)

*** as heard on Dr. Demento! ***

A wholesome song about my favorite apple… or is it?

The reason the apple industry won’t hire Tom Jones.

A Triple Entendre Parody Song.

Audio:

      PinkLady_JoesDump

Video (with Closed Captions):

Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)
Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas

When I don’t know what I want, feeling hungry, feeling gaunt after dinner.
There is something in my place that I stick into my face that is a winner.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
I might have her in a pie, lookin’ yummy when she’s fried with something saucy
She is crunchy and she’s sweet, such a high fiber treat, her skin is glossy
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
When I’m at the supermarket know I always choose her
Always treat her with respect cause I don’t wanna bruise her
Sometimes when we get back home I put her in a juicer
She’s so versatile she could fill a whole buffet. Hey, hey, hey!
When I pop her in my mouth then I know what she’s about. She’s so delicious.
She got vitamins A and C, Riboflavin helps me see. She’s so nutritious.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Whoa whoa whoa! Eat a Lady!
Listen to me. I eat a Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Talkin’ about a Pink Lady.
Whoa whoa whoa! And that lady, oh that lady tastes fine…

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Sappy Songs List

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Sappy Songs List

Just a list of Sappy Songs… Feel free to comment and add your own 😉

  • I can’t smile without you
  • I can’t live if living is without you
  • I’ll never smile again
  • I’ll never fall in love again
  • I can’t go for that
  • I can’t stop loving you
  • I can’t tell you why
  • I can’t fight this feeling anymore
  • I can’t help myself

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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How Business Is Done: William Lee

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How Business Is Done: William Lee

If you want to know how real business gets done, here’s a great example.

William Lee is a filmmaker in Ohio who’s been producing his own movies since before I met him in the 1980’s. He’s worked hard to build a network of actors, crew, distribution, etc. He’s a one-man production company. And even teaches filmmaking and has a William Lee Film Tribute released by The American Genre Film Archive. By any measure, he’s a self-made bona fide success story. And 30+ years since our last project, he’s still teaching me how real business is done.

We’ve been in touch over the years, but never had a good fit for his projects. On an upcoming film, William had an idea that he thought my voice would work for. Here’s how the process played out:

  • He sent me a message asking if I’d be interested, along with some sample copy.
  • I sent back some takes for him to choose from.
  • He liked one read in particular and wanted to hire me.
  • I gave him my rate – no beefs, negotiation or whining.
  • I recorded and sent the audio.
  • We agreed on a payment method.
  • He paid me.
  • ~ Fin ~

This. This is how Business is done. Professional. Efficient. Simple.

No Drama.

It’s easy to find people on both sides of the camera who aren’t this professional.

But it’s the true pros that are the ones you’ll want to keep as clients.

For more information on William Lee and his films, visit: Cinema Lexzikon Productions

William Lee: Filmmaker

William Lee: Filmmaker

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Ruby, You’re Just A Circus Clown

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Ruby, You’re Just A Circus Clown

parody of “Ruby” by Kenny Rogers
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas

      Ruby You're Just A Circus Clown (Joe J Thomas)

Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Ruby, You’re Just A Circus Clown
parody of “Ruby” by Kenny Rogers
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas

You painted up your face and you put on a frizzy wig
Ruby you know nobody wears shoes that are so big
You crammed into that tiny car with all your friends in town
Oh Ruby, you’re just a circus clown

I know you like to leave the crowds clamoring for more
But when you aren’t at work most times you’re just a crashing bore
And though I like that circus made entirely of fleas
Oh Ruby, you still suck at puppetry

That first day that we fell in love I was so hypnotized
You smiled at me but now there’s something that I realize
That lipstick makes it look like you have got a droopy frown
Oh Ruby, you’re still a circus clown

I know you care ‘cuz I just heard the honking of your horn
The way you squirt me with a flower makes our love feel reborn
Give me a rubber nose and we can both go paint the town
Oh Ruby, make me a circus clown
Oh Ruby, let’s turn that frown around

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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