7-Up (Parody of “Use Me Up” by Bill Withers)

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7-Up (Parody of “Use Me Up” by Bill Withers)

A song about disappointing drink choices.

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      7-Up by Joe J Thomas

 

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

Copyright 2024, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
7-Up
(parody of “Use Me Up” by Bill Withers)
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
Lyrics:

My friends; Give me some Rum at a party
I keep tryin’ to tell them; I need Coke-a-Cola to get things started.
Ah-huh, and they answer; That they ain’t got that kinda stuff.
I, I, I, I, would like to use; some mixer in my booze
They keep on giving me… A little 7-Up. They gimmie 7-Up.

My brother; Sit me right down with a bottle of Gin
Ah-huh He told me; If I let it go to waste it’s a sin
And I’m sure he meant well; Yeah, but momma don’t raise no fool
I, I, I said brother you look confused; I need some Tonic to infuse
But he offered this excuse; A can of 7-Up. He gimmie 7-Up

Ah-huh, sometimes; I may imbibe a little too much alcohol
Y’all take me clubbin’ late at night; And my tummy is a butterfly free-for-all
Ah-huh, but oh, maybe, maybe, maybe, maybe; Ginger Ale would soothe my stuff
I, I, I will not be amused; When I open the fridge to choose
What I see gives me the blues; It’s full of 7-Up. Just gimmie 7-Up

Talkin’ bout drinks that I won’t use; RC Cola and Mr. Pib too
Don’t you give me none of that stuff and I sure don’t want no 7-Up.
Don’t give me 7-Up. Don’t want no 7-Up.
– (fin)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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At Starbucks (StarChucks)

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At Starbucks (StarChucks)

(parody of “On Broadway” by George Benson)

In the mood for some Coffee? Why not try Starbucks, er… StarChucks?

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      At Starbucks (parody of On Broadway) by Joe J Thomas

 

At Starbucks (StarChucks)
(parody of “On Broadway” by George Benson)
Copyright 2023 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
At Starbucks (StarChucks)
(parody of “On Broadway” by George Benson)
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
Lyrics:

They sell you coffee in a cup at Starbucks
Or half-caf latte with some soy in there
But when it comes to pay the bill
You’re only there to fill their till
That money just evaporates in air
(oooooo)
Them drinks are gonna make you fat at Starbucks
With calories and lots of sugar too
It’s caffeinating through your mind
And subjugating all mankind
But nowhere else is left for you to choose
(ooooooo)
I finally understood the game at Starbucks
And started up a knockoff brand that’s deluxe
So now I own this coffee bar
It’s like a money cookie jar
And I won’t stop ‘til I’m the Tsar of Star-Chucks
– (fin)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Nothing Nice (parody of ?)

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Nothing Nice (parody of ?)

You know when you know a song but you don’t know the name of the song?
Well, I wrote a song about that song.

No, I’m not gonna tell you the name.

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      Nothing Nice (parody of ?) by Joe J Thomas

 

Nothing Nice
Parody of ?
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
Copyright 2023 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Nothing Nice
Parody of ?
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
Lyrics:

What is that song I hear? Sounds so familiar now.
Maybe I’ll Google it. Ba-da-ba-ba-da-dow
Not the McDonald’s song. Give it a try with Bing.
Alexa help me find Ta-ta-ta-ta-pa-ping.
Nothing. All I get is nothing.
And someday I will find…
The stupid name of this song and finally be happier

Gonna go ask my friends. See if they recognize.
Oh yeah I know that one. Zeedle-za-zoodle-zise.
Still we can’t find the name. Shouldn’t it be a breeze.
They all just look at me. Duh-Duh-Duh-Deedle-Deeze.
Nothing. All I get is nothing.
This is such lunacy. Knowing the name would be nice.

(Incoherent Rambling Scat)
Nothing. All I get is nothing.
And someday I will find…
The stupid name of this song and finally be happier.

The song that’s been haunting me, now it is haunting you.
No need for thanks, it’s just Doodle-da-do-da-do.
It is so catchy I cannot stop singing it.
I’ll never know the name Shitty-shit-shitty-shit.
Nothing. All I get is nothing.
Now it’s in all of us. We think that it is so … nice.
This song is so nice. Oh, it’s just so nice.
– (fin)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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I Got It From Agnes (Tom Lehrer cover song)

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I Got It From Agnes

(Tom Lehrer cover song)

Singing by Joe J Thomas

Tom Lehrer is one of my favorite comedy music artists. It’s a thrill to be able to cover one of his songs. Enjoy!

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      I Got It From Agnes (Tom Lehrer cover song) by Joe J Thomas

 

I Got It From Agnes (Tom Lehrer cover song)
Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2023, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, http://www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
I Got It From Agnes (Cover Song by Joe J Thomas
Original Song by Tom Lehrer
Lyrics:

I love my friends and they love me. We’re just as close as we can be
And just because we really care. Whatever we get, we share!
I got it from Agnes. She got it from Jim
We all agree it must have been Louise who gave it to him
Now, she got it from Harry, Who got it from Marie
And everybody knows that Marie… Got it from me!
Giles got it from Daphne. She got it from Joan
Who picked it up in County Cork A-kissin’ the Blarney Stone
Pierre gave it to Sheila, Who must have brought it there.
He got it from Francois and Jacques. A-ha! Lucky Pierre!
Max got it from Edith, Who gets it every spring
She got it from her Daddy, Who just gives her everything
She then gave it to Daniel, Whose spaniel has it now
Our dentist even got it, And we’re still wondering how
Ah, but I got it from Agnes. Or maybe it was Sue
Or Millie or Billie or Gillie or Willie. It doesn’t matter who
It might have been at the pub, Or at the club, or in the loo
And if you will be my friend, Then I might
Mind you, I said, “might”
Give it to you!

– (fin)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Decide! (Cat Song)

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Decide! (Cat Song)

(parody of “Rawhide!”)

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

Thank you to all my Friends for Photos of their Furry Felines
(=^_^=)

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      Decide! (Cat Song) by Joe J Thomas

 

Decide! (Cat Song) – Parody of “Rawhide!”
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2023, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, http://www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Decide! (Cat Song) – Parody of “Rawhide!”
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

Yowlin’, yowlin’, yowlin’, Hear them cats a howlin’. Can’t they quit that Meowin’, Inside!
Wave a stick that has a feather, and chase fur toys with leather, Thinkin’ they’re a tiny lion pride.
Them little kitty kisses, murder beans and hisses, look at ‘em shakin’ their backsides…
Let ‘em out, Let us in, Put ‘em in, Put us out, Let ‘em out, Let us in… Decide!
Put ‘em out, Put us in, Let ‘em in, Let us out, Put ‘em out… Why can’t you Decide?!?!?

Feedin’, feedin’, feedin’, while their paws are kneedin’. Caused a little bleedin’… My Thigh!
Them cats is always eatin’. Lickin’, runnin’, sleepin’. Don’t ask cuz I really don’t know why.
I’m a slave to their desires, it’s makin’ me real tired. The smell from the litter box is high!
Scoop it out!, Fill it up, Fill the bowl, Eat it up, Let ‘em out, Let us in… Decide!
Take a rest, Pet me now, Brush their fur, Wanna play, What the hell… Why won’t you Decide?!?!?

Blowin’, blowin’, blowin’. There’s a snowstorm snowin’, Ain’t no cats a goin’ Outside!
I hear them kitties comin’, through the house they’re runnin’, underneath the covers they will hide.
It’s warmer in my bedroom, they’ll be sleepin’ on my head soon, they treat me like a magic carpet ride.
Snuggle up!, Crazies now!, Settle down!, Run Around!, Wanna sleep!, Kneed the sheets… Decide!
On my feet!, Meowing sweet!, Take a rest!, Motor Purr!, I Love you… now just please Decide?!?!?

– (fin)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Dr Mom! (comedy song)

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Dr Mom!

(original comedy song)

Dr Mom!
It’s the 90’s sitcom you never knew you needed!
Dr Mom’s a genius surgeon… until she brings work home!

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      Dr Mom! by Joe J Thomas

 

Dr Mom!
(original comedy song)
Lyrics and singing by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
Copyright 2023, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, http://www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Dr Mom!
(original comedy song)
Lyrics and singing by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump

(intro music)

I get home from school and there’s a body on the kitchen table
Dr. Mom comes thru the door and tells me his condition’s stable

Mom’s a genius surgeon with a lot of dedication
But every time she brings work home I’m in need of medication

Down in our family basement is the convalescent ward
In the attic lives a psycho who’s got free room and board
Dr. Mom says it’s all just a temporary situation
But after all this stress I’m gonna need a permanent vacation

Sponge, Wipe, Clamp.
Home. Work. Champ.
It’s the liver and onions she made us for our dinner
But none of us is really sure if it’s cow or if it’s someone’s innards

(interlude)

Dr. Mom we gotta talk, there’s something that I wanna say
It’s sad you lost your job last year but there has to be a better way
You know we love you Dr. Mom with all our heart and soul
I think a new career next year might be a pretty awesome goal

(outro music)

“Dr. Mom is filmed in front of a live studio audience.”

– (fin)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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It’s A Gecko (parody)

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It’s A Gecko (parody)


(parody of “In The Ghetto” by Elvis)

If Elvis sang about insurance mascots, it might go something like this…

*** BUY IT HERE on The FuMP!!! ***

Audio:

      It's A Gecko (Joe J Thomas)

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
It’s A Gecko
(Parody of “In The Ghetto” by Elvis)
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas

In a boardroom. A marketing wizard with a British lizard,
Came up with a thing for insurance-ing, it’s a Gecko.
For your home and car. You may wonder if he’s from the swamp.
But his voice is filled with that kinda pomp from the Grotto
Now you gotta understand, This guy ain’t no Caveman.
He don’t compete with Emu’s or a waitress named Flo
He is made from lizard meat, With some really funky feet.
And that accent may be Brit or Aussie but it ain’t no status quo.
He can save you cash. He’ll just bundle it up into a package.
Just in case your car gets in some smack-age. He’s that Gecko
It’s an ad campaign. He can ride on a horse in a boxing ring.
He may hip-hop dance or even sing. From a libretto
Who knows just what we’ll see next. Will they shoot him into space?
Run for office with Lady Gaga. Or play the cello with Yo-Yo Ma?
And the ad’s go on. Something makes me keep on watching.
Are they for real or only joshing. With a Gecko
I don’t understand. What insurance has to do with reptiles.
Is it just an odd commercial style? ‘Bout a Gecko
It’s a Gecko.
In Stilettos. Sings Falsetto. Eating Neccos. In The Meadow.
It’s a Gecko.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Sushi-Oh’s! Cereal (parody)

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Sushi-Oh’s! Cereal (parody)


(parody of “Domino” by Van Morrison)

Sushi-Oh’s!

The Sushi Breakfast Cereal with the World’s First Great Taste of Fish!

*** BUY IT HERE on The FuMP!!! ***

Audio:

      Sushi-Oh's! Cereal (Joe J Thomas)

Video:

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Sushi-Oh’s!
(parody of “Domino” by Van Morrison)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

Want a breakfast cereal, with plenty of Omega 3’s
Lots of fresh ingredients, comin’ straight out da sea
Got crispy rice and tuna, seaweed bits and salmon
When I pop ‘em in my mouth, well you know my tongue be jammin’

Oh oh, Sushi-Oh’s! (all right) Gonna eat me all them rolls! (there you go, lord have mercy)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! Tastin’ better than your toes (there you go, say it again)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! I said oh oh Sushi-Oh’s!

Eat ‘em up with soy milk, sometimes straight outta da box
Just like chirashi, or maybe they’re more like lox
Chewy bits of edamame, shucked out their little pods
It’s so dang delicious, just like cereal from the gods

Oh oh, Sushi-Oh’s! (all right) Gonna eat me all them rolls! (there you go, lord have mercy)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! Tastin’ better than your toes (there you go, say it again)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! (hey!) I said oh oh Sushi-Oh’s!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Defeat of the Spanish Armada (parody)

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Defeat of the Spanish Armada


(parody of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” by Gordon Lightfoot)

Dedicated to my wife, who’s excuse for everything that goes wrong in Spain is The Defeat of the Spanish Armada… as written by my 7 1/2 year-old self.

*** BUY IT HERE on The FuMP!!! ***

Audio:

      Defeat of the Spanish Armada (Joe J Thomas)

Video:

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Defeat of the Spanish Armada
parody of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” by Gordon Lightfoot
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

When I was a lad t’was one thing made me sad. Them lessons t’were all about history.
With memorized names, all the dates seemed the same. The whole bloody thing was a mystery.
One summer my task that the teacher had asked was a subject of which I knew nada
So I made up a tale and set it to sail ‘bout the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

One ship hit the bank and another one sank when the keelhaul was nibbled by otters
A monster at sea took another twenty three in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
One Capitan at night had his beard set alight and he scuttled his ship to the bottom
As it went down in flames it dragged ten more in chains in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

A nearsighted sailor thought he spotted a failure in the hull that was under the water
He went down with an axe and he never came back from the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
They passed through a geyser chock full of papaya and a fruity wave of piñatas
Fourteen of them wood boats they no longer could float in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

T’was possession by demons for half of the seaman. They went mad and demanded horchatas
The devils and imps were all turned into chimps for the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
I finished my story and the teacher looked worried then called for my mama and dada
She told them I failed and my future had sailed with the Defeat of the Spanish Armada

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Amazon Made Me Buy (parody)

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Amazon Made Me Buy


(parody of “Never Can Say Goodbye” by Gloria Gaynor)

I may have an Amazon addiction… maybe…

Audio:

      Amazon Made Me Buy (Joe J Thomas)

Video:

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Amazon Made Me Buy
(parody of “Never Can Say Goodbye” by Gloria Gaynor)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

Amazon made me buy, don’t you know now
Amazon made me buy

Even though I could just walk outside and get stuff from a store
It’s just so damn inefficient, shopping always leaves me bored
I don’t even need to leave the couch. I’ll just stay behind the door.
Tell me why don’t I go! I’m spending all my dough!
Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, Amazon made me buy, don’t you know. Can’t say no.
Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, I got a new drone that flies. What a show. Watch it go.

Amazon made me buy, lots of new stuff
Amazon made me buy

But the more I bought, the less I had. My money had run out.
Then Alexa clued me in and told me what it’s all about
She said “You just have to sell some stuff then continue to checkout”
Now I gotta sell! I’m in consumer hell!
Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, my bank account is bone dry. It’s so low. Got no dough.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, Frozen pizza sold by the slice. It’s not good. Tastes like wood.

Amazon made me buy, things I don’t need
Amazon made me buy

I had no more stuff at home to sell and my credit was declined
So I stole from friends and neighbors. Yeah I robbed their houses blind
I’ll just fence their things to buy new stuff. Oh, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind
Oh, whoa! All this grief! Am I a common thief?
Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, neighbors, I’m helping you all downsize, Got your stuff. Not enough.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, baby, The boxes are stacked waist high. I can’t see. Woe is me.

Amazon made me buy, I can’t help it
Amazon made me buy

Was it Amazon at my front door? I felt my face go pale
There were fifteen strong policemen come to throw my butt in jail
They said, “You can tell it to the Judge”. Yes it was an epic fail
Oh, I’m not feeling well! Locked in this prison cell!
Amazon made me buy, Judge
Oh it’s crazy, but Amazon made me buy, Let me go. Let me go!
Oh, Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, Got a flamingo that’s twice my size. What the heck. I’m a wreck.
(music sting)
Oh, Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, Need a thing to make Italian ice. It’s so cold. Just like snow.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, baby, Found a painting with creepy eyes. They just see. Look at me.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, Judge.
Oh, baby, Bought an elliptical for my thighs. Exercise. Buns and thighs.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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