Converting the Inverted (a poem)

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Converting the Inverted (a poem)


written by Joe J Thomas

While converting the inverted
When a comma was inserted
The professor took a step back and he paused
The result was so insulting
That he went to go consulting
With a colleague who just simple hemmed and hawed
There is something in this figure
That will simply zag or zig your
Mind into an itty bitty little loop
The scientists continued late
Their discourse did insinuate
The logic wrapped their brains up in a hoop
When the answer finally hit them
It was far too late to get them
To the publisher in time to be renowned
So they ended at an eatery
To imbibe and have some meatery
On the morrow it is likely they’ll rebound!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)

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Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)

*** as heard on Dr. Demento! ***

A wholesome song about my favorite apple… or is it?

The reason the apple industry won’t hire Tom Jones.

A Triple Entendre Parody Song.

Audio:

      PinkLady_JoesDump

Video (with Closed Captions):

Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)
Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas

When I don’t know what I want, feeling hungry, feeling gaunt after dinner.
There is something in my place that I stick into my face that is a winner.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
I might have her in a pie, lookin’ yummy when she’s fried with something saucy
She is crunchy and she’s sweet, such a high fiber treat, her skin is glossy
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
When I’m at the supermarket know I always choose her
Always treat her with respect cause I don’t wanna bruise her
Sometimes when we get back home I put her in a juicer
She’s so versatile she could fill a whole buffet. Hey, hey, hey!
When I pop her in my mouth then I know what she’s about. She’s so delicious.
She got vitamins A and C, Riboflavin helps me see. She’s so nutritious.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Whoa whoa whoa! Eat a Lady!
Listen to me. I eat a Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Talkin’ about a Pink Lady.
Whoa whoa whoa! And that lady, oh that lady tastes fine…

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Sappy Songs List

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Sappy Songs List

Just a list of Sappy Songs… Feel free to comment and add your own 😉

  • I can’t smile without you
  • I can’t live if living is without you
  • I’ll never smile again
  • I’ll never fall in love again
  • I can’t go for that
  • I can’t stop loving you
  • I can’t tell you why
  • I can’t fight this feeling anymore
  • I can’t help myself

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Ruby, You’re Just A Circus Clown

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Ruby, You’re Just A Circus Clown

parody of “Ruby” by Kenny Rogers
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas

      Ruby You're Just A Circus Clown (Joe J Thomas)

Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Ruby, You’re Just A Circus Clown
parody of “Ruby” by Kenny Rogers
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas

You painted up your face and you put on a frizzy wig
Ruby you know nobody wears shoes that are so big
You crammed into that tiny car with all your friends in town
Oh Ruby, you’re just a circus clown

I know you like to leave the crowds clamoring for more
But when you aren’t at work most times you’re just a crashing bore
And though I like that circus made entirely of fleas
Oh Ruby, you still suck at puppetry

That first day that we fell in love I was so hypnotized
You smiled at me but now there’s something that I realize
That lipstick makes it look like you have got a droopy frown
Oh Ruby, you’re still a circus clown

I know you care ‘cuz I just heard the honking of your horn
The way you squirt me with a flower makes our love feel reborn
Give me a rubber nose and we can both go paint the town
Oh Ruby, make me a circus clown
Oh Ruby, let’s turn that frown around

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Cop Series Pitches: Top Ten

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Cop Series Pitches: Top Ten

  1. Clown Cop 2: This Time It’s Serious
  2. Carrot Cop: Nothing To Laugh At
  3. Criminal Cop: He Did The Time, He’ll Do Your Crime
  4. Comic Cop: You Don’t Wanna Be His Punchline
  5. Clear Cop: You’ll Never See Him Coming
  6. Coffee Cop: Look Out For His Mug Shot
  7. Caterer Cop: Serving Up Justice
  8. Cheese Cop: Working For A Grater Gouda
  9. Cat Cop: He Won’t Come When You Call
  10. Camping Cop 7: In Tents Situations

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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The Like Ship! (Love Boat Parody)

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The Like Ship! (Love Boat Parody)

–> CLICK HERE! to buy it on The FuMP! <--

(Audio version)

      The Like Ship! (Joe J Thomas)

–> Buy it on The FuMP! (click here)

The Like Ship
(Prequel to The Love Boat)
Pilot Episode Theme Song

In 1990, after a successful 10 year run of “The Love Boat” the producers decided to make a prequel: “The Like Ship”

Pitch: Like “Love Boat”, but with dogs.

It was an utter disaster.

This theme song is all that remains…

(dedicated to the memory of Gavin MacLeod 1931-2021)

Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
(vo) Love Boat prequel “The Like Ship”, pilot episode, reel 1…
Like… Your balls may turn blue
She’s so hot, but not into you!
And Like… You just wanna score
We all know, it’s not her it’s you!
The Like Ship! Everyone thinks that you’re just no fun
It’s Friendship! Just stick a fork in you ’cause you’re done
There’s no course to adventure, you won’t get a second chance
And Like… No need to feel sore
It’s a wave goodbye from a closing door
It’s LIKE!
You will be bored with LIKE!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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I Am Not Don LaFontaine!

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I Am Not Don LaFontaine!


(parody of “I am I, Don Quixote” from Man of La Mancha)

What’s your Impossible Dream for VO?

Here’s a song about mine:

Audio version:

      I Am Not Don LaFontaine! (Joe J Thomas)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Carbs and Weight in Spain

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Carbs and Weight in Spain

As I walk down the street in Barcelona, I pass shop after shop with breads and pastries. There are people enjoying a beer and bocadillo (small sandwich) at 10 in the morning. For lunch, you’ll see paella (rice), pastas, and pan con tomate (bread with tomato). The thing I don’t see much of: overweight people.

I’ll often hear of my friends having success in their weight management by doing Keto or Atkins. Or with some similar plan that restricts carbs, sugar, or otherwise cuts out an entire food group.

But does that really help?

Disclaimer: In the end, whatever works best for you, long term, is what works. Just make sure it’s a diet and lifestyle you can live with.

So, is there a disconnect? What I see in Spain just doesn’t bear out the idea that carbs are bad for you. What’s going on?

I suspect it’s a combination of the difference in lifestyle, food, and other factors. Barcelona is a walking city. I haven’t been in a car in months. Most days I get 15,000+ steps just doing my daily routine plus a bit of exercise. Another factor is the portion sizes. Most things are pretty small by comparison to the US versions. And even when I eat the same thing, there seems to be less sugar used. Other things like fresher meats, fruits and veggies make a difference too.

So… Is it just eating less and moving more? Well, no. But that’s a part of it. It’s also what you eat, but without cutting out entire food groups or feeling deprived.

I walk. I still eat pastas, rice, breads and pastries. Even dessert. But the quantities are smaller and the qualities are better, in my opinion.

One other factor to consider: Stress. There seems to be a lot less of it in Spain. Lower crime, no shootings, a social safety net, health care, etc. All of that combined with a “No pasa nada” attitude seems to bring the general level of stress way down for daily life.

Can this be achieved in the USA? Maybe. I suspect it would be a bit more difficult. For it to really change for everyone, a lot of things would need to change too. Cars. Restaurants. Food supply. Health care. Even the government.

That doesn’t mean it can’t be done. It would just take much more effort to achieve.

Whatever your path to good health, I hope you find it and are happy with your lives.

Be well,
Joe

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Delta Bottom Girl (Dumped Song)

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Delta Bottom Girl (Dumped Song)

Ever wonder what a mix of Queen’s “Fat Bottom Girls” and Tanya Tucker’s “Delta Dawn” would sound like?

Well… Wonder no more!

Here’s a Dumped Song mash-up version to assault your ears:
“Delta Bottom Girl”

      Delta Bottom Girl (Joe's Dump)

(you’re welcome)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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P2P Sites: Not For Practice

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P2P Sites: Not For Practice

I often see posts on social media where someone who is new to voice acting says that they’re using P2P (Pay-To-Play) sites to practice. Although I understand this line of thinking, that’s not the best way to practice… Here’s why:

The point of practicing is to improve your skills. For acting, a very important component is missing when practicing on your own: Feedback.

Constructive feedback helps to improve your acting ability. It can come in many forms. In an acting class, the teacher will provide feedback and guidance. Coaches perform a similar function, but in a more focused 1-on-1 manner. Performing on stage has many forms of feedback: the director, reactions from other actors in the scene, and the audience.

“So, Joe, what’s the harm in practicing on my own? It’s still practice, right?”

Although it may improve your reading skills and even the speed at which you can scan the copy, it may actually be a detriment to your skills as an actor. Instead of learning where your flaws and weaknesses are and addressing them to improve, you may be blind to the flaws you have. Continuing to practice without any feedback may reinforce your bad habits. Those can be even more difficult to un-learn in the future.

Let’s take the classic “You have a great voice! You should be doing voice acting!”. After hearing that, maybe you become enamored with the sound of your own voice. You join a P2P site “just for practice.” Reading one thing after another in a cool way, or an artificially deep voice, or a style that isn’t used in the industry. Spend enough time reinforcing the idea that this is the “right” way to read copy without any guidance can lead you down a path that will be difficult to correct in the future.

Other examples are speech impediments and thick accents. Learning about the issues that may impede your progress and correcting them early on will make your journey to become a voice actor that much easier.

In my opinion, the best way to a solid career as a Voice Actor is to learn acting first. And that requires training, direction, and real-world experience.

For now, due to the limitations of in-person opportunities, try to find some online ways to play. Improv Zoom groups. Classes. Audio drama (directed). There are even some VO reading groups that meet on a regular basis. These could provide a good start.

Once the pandemic is over and it is safe, get involved with a local theatre. Join a choir. Take some improv classes. Get training and direction and perform in front of live audiences. All of these will improve your acting skills and give you a solid foundation for voice acting.

Best of luck on your journey!
Joe

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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