R2 Death Star (parody song)

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R2 Death Star

(parody of “Grandma’s Feather Bed” by John Denver)

Hear the real Star Wars story… When R2D2 took control of the Death Star!!!

Thrill! Gasp! Exfoliate!

Lyrics and Singing: Joe J Thomas
Graphics & Animation Style: K Woo

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      R2 Death Star by Joe J Thomas

 

R2 Death Star
(parody of “Grandma’s Feather Bed” by John Denver)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
R2 Death Star
(parody of “Grandma’s Feather Bed” by John Denver)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

– verse 1
Member that time near Alderaan, R2D2 plugged right in
With a beep and a boop he shut down all them Death Star trashy bins
Long as he’s got that S-Comp link how’s about he goes too far
He took control of the whole dang thing – he’s R2 Death Star!
– chorus
Got a million crew, he’s white and blue
The Empire’s running scared
With a Golden Bud, a Scruffy Stud
And a Wookiee full o’ hair
That Superlaser’s heatin’ up
Planet’s blow’d up, then recharge
Just a little droid but don’t you toy with R2 Death Star!
– verse 2
He blasted Emperor Palpatine, Took out the Senate too
Vaporized Darth Vader and had a whole Sith barbecue
Them Clones got fried and just for fun he went after Jar Jar
That tiny beepin’ trash can droid named R2 Death Star!
– (chorus repeat)
– verse 3
Now y’all know the real story ‘bout how the Jedi won
From a tiny droid toolin’ round with a planet bustin’ gun (whoa!)
So next time you’re thinkin’ ‘bout The Force, The Light Side and the Dark
There weren’t no Jedi won that war- twas R2 Death Star!
– (chorus repeat)
He’s a bit annoyed, that little droid – He’s R2 Death Star!
– (fin)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Cumber Words

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Cumber Words

Benedict Cumberbatch Cucumber Patch

I was in Cumberland, Maryland watching a Benedict Cumberbatch movie, alternating between noshing on a cucumber sandwich and tugging at my cumberbund when a cumbersome thought encumbered my cranium: How many Cumber words are there? Should I include names? Sure! Why not!

Cumber Words:
cumber, cumbers, cucumber, cumbered, cumberer, encumber, incumber,
cucumbers, cumberers, cumbering, encumbers, incumbers,
cumberbund, cumbersome, encumbered, incumbered,
cumberbunds, disencumber, encumbering, incumbering,
cumbersomely, disencumbers, unencumbered,
disencumbered,
cumbersomeness, disencumbering

Cumber Names:
Cumber, Cumberbach, Cumberback, Cumberbatch, Cumberbath, Cumberbeach, Cumberbeer, Cumberbirch, Cumberfatch, Cumberford, Cumberla, Cumberlage, Cumberlain, Cumberlan, Cumberland, Cumberlander, Cumberlatch, Cumberledge, Cumberlege, Cumberley, Cumberlidge, Cumberlige, Cumberlin, Cumberlitch, Cumberlodge, Cumberlow, Cumberlye, Cumbermack, Cumbernorth, Cumberpach, Cumberparth, Cumberpatch, Cumbers, Cumbersworth, Cumbert, Cumberth, Cumberton, Cumberworke, Cumberworth

Bonus! Click here for more about the Cumber Family Name!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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My One-Eyed Love (R.E.M. Parody)

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My One-Eyed Love

(parody of “The One I Love” by R.E.M.)

Oh, Popeye!

Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
 

      My One-Eyed Love by Joe J Thomas

 

My One-Eyed Love (parody of “The One I Love” by R.E.M.)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
My One-Eyed Love (parody of “The One I Love” by R.E.M.)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

This one goes out to my one-eyed love
The sailor man who always smokes a corncob pipe
A spinach can, fortifies that man
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Popeye! Popeye!
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
An oddly deep cleft chin and really beefy arms
Got a magic Jeep, and a baby named Swee’Pea
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug) Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)
(music interlude with quotes)
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Olive Oyl will never keep him from my side
Bluto is my name, call me Brutus just the same
This one goes out to my one-eyed love
Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug) Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)
Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug) Popeye! (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)
(well, blows me down!) (a-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug-cug)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Blue Krampus (Elvis Parody)

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Blue Krampus (Elvis Parody)

There just aren’t enough Krampus holiday songs out there…

I’m here to fix that!

      Blue Krampus by Joe J Thomas

Blue Krampus - Joe J Thomas - JoesDump.com

Happy Holidays! Every! Damn! One!

Blue Krampus (parody of “Blue Xmas” by Elvis)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, www.JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Blue Krampus (parody of “Blue Xmas” by Elvis)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

I’ll have a blue Krampus without you
The Easter crew dyes eggs in fun hues
On the Fourth of July, fireworks in the sky
Won’t be the same, dear, as Valentines gone by
Oktoberfest’s not best when you’re gone
And Halloween will mask me until dawn
Hanukkah dreidels spin but it’s still not a win
Because you up and left me on Xmas

Spoken: Oh my darlin’. You know it’s like that ole’ Krampus visits me every day since you’re gone. I miss you so much. Even if you just threw a shoe at my head, or dunked me in your drowning tub… it’d be way better than this!

It’s like groundhog day’s here
But you’re still nowhere near
Because you up and left me on Xmas

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Reverend Blue Jeans?

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Reverend Blue Jeans?

(misheard lyrics version of “Forever in Blue Jeans” by Neil Diamond)

We’ve all unintentionally misheard lyrics to our favorite tunes.

I’m taking a crack at intentionally misheard lyrics with this one!

      Reverend Blue Jeans (not by Neil Diamond)

… and here are three Neil Diamond song covers as well (clicky-clicky!!!)

— Reverend Blue Jeans – Misheard Lyrics —
(lyrics and singing by Joe J Thomas)
Monkey socks – Just a thing with pants I draw with chalk
And if you’d like to have a beer we’ll see. Why I drink tea with Reverend Blue Jeans
Funny feet – Oh ain’t they things that you would never eat
But they’re a bargain that won’t go away. Still dressed today in Leather and Blue Jeans
You might be right, it’s outta sight to retire when we’re closing our eyes
I think I found somethin’ round that’s a tartan surprise
Bunny Fox – She’s a dancer that nobody mocks
There is nothing there to fear or flee. It’s two or three, but Never in Blue Jeans
And mystery meat – You know it’s comin’ for your comfy seat
But there’s a warden that don’t wanna play. He’ll have his way, Whatever in Blue Jeans, babe
I need a light. I’ll have a bite of a tire to the bone of that thigh
Cannot abound what I found in his pantry surprise
Runny Clocks! – When they’re seen the people gotta talk
Don’t you ever shed a tear for bees. Or birds or trees A Rebel in Blue Jeans
But those garden fees they pave the way for Tina Fey’s endeavor in Blue Jeans, babe
With zero down and lower annual fees, they’d only be The Blathering Blue Jeans, babe
There’s a body that will just not stay entombed today. Cadaver in Blue Jeans, babe

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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It’s A Gecko (parody)

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It’s A Gecko (parody)


(parody of “In The Ghetto” by Elvis)

If Elvis sang about insurance mascots, it might go something like this…

*** BUY IT HERE on The FuMP!!! ***

Audio:

      It's A Gecko (Joe J Thomas)

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
It’s A Gecko
(Parody of “In The Ghetto” by Elvis)
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas

In a boardroom. A marketing wizard with a British lizard,
Came up with a thing for insurance-ing, it’s a Gecko.
For your home and car. You may wonder if he’s from the swamp.
But his voice is filled with that kinda pomp from the Grotto
Now you gotta understand, This guy ain’t no Caveman.
He don’t compete with Emu’s or a waitress named Flo
He is made from lizard meat, With some really funky feet.
And that accent may be Brit or Aussie but it ain’t no status quo.
He can save you cash. He’ll just bundle it up into a package.
Just in case your car gets in some smack-age. He’s that Gecko
It’s an ad campaign. He can ride on a horse in a boxing ring.
He may hip-hop dance or even sing. From a libretto
Who knows just what we’ll see next. Will they shoot him into space?
Run for office with Lady Gaga. Or play the cello with Yo-Yo Ma?
And the ad’s go on. Something makes me keep on watching.
Are they for real or only joshing. With a Gecko
I don’t understand. What insurance has to do with reptiles.
Is it just an odd commercial style? ‘Bout a Gecko
It’s a Gecko.
In Stilettos. Sings Falsetto. Eating Neccos. In The Meadow.
It’s a Gecko.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Three Diamonds… Neil! (Joe’s Bassment)

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Joe's Bassment Logo

Three Diamonds… Neil! (Joe’s Bassment)

How low can Joe go?
Cover Versions of Popular Songs in the Key of Bass

This week, I’m working on my Neil Diamond impressions.
I’m also working on my skills with Pro Tools (so far, it’s a bit of a learning curve)

Enjoy!

      Neil Diamond: Play Me (Joe's Bassment: Joe J Thomas)

      Neil Diamond: Cracklin' Rosie (Joe's Bassment: Joe J Thomas)

      Neil Diamond: Forever In Blue Jeans (Joe's Bassment: Joe J Thomas)

ALSO: the “All Misheard Lyrics” version: Reverend Blue Jeans! (clicky-clicky!)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Sushi-Oh’s! Cereal (parody)

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Sushi-Oh’s! Cereal (parody)


(parody of “Domino” by Van Morrison)

Sushi-Oh’s!

The Sushi Breakfast Cereal with the World’s First Great Taste of Fish!

*** BUY IT HERE on The FuMP!!! ***

Audio:

      Sushi-Oh's! Cereal (Joe J Thomas)

Video:

Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2022 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Sushi-Oh’s!
(parody of “Domino” by Van Morrison)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas

Want a breakfast cereal, with plenty of Omega 3’s
Lots of fresh ingredients, comin’ straight out da sea
Got crispy rice and tuna, seaweed bits and salmon
When I pop ‘em in my mouth, well you know my tongue be jammin’

Oh oh, Sushi-Oh’s! (all right) Gonna eat me all them rolls! (there you go, lord have mercy)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! Tastin’ better than your toes (there you go, say it again)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! I said oh oh Sushi-Oh’s!

Eat ‘em up with soy milk, sometimes straight outta da box
Just like chirashi, or maybe they’re more like lox
Chewy bits of edamame, shucked out their little pods
It’s so dang delicious, just like cereal from the gods

Oh oh, Sushi-Oh’s! (all right) Gonna eat me all them rolls! (there you go, lord have mercy)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! Tastin’ better than your toes (there you go, say it again)
I said, oh oh Sushi-Oh’s! (hey!) I said oh oh Sushi-Oh’s!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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59 Banana Back Pain

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59 Banana Back Pain

Short version: I stopped eating bananas and my back pain has decreased drastically. My grey hair has also started going darker.

Disclaimer: This is a personal journey about my suppositions regarding my medical conditions. I am not a medical professional, so be sure to do your own research for your specific issues. Your mileage may vary. And be sure to check with your doctor before making any dietary, lifestyle, or medication changes.

The Full Story:
Many of you may know I’ve always been a bit obsessed with bananas. (click here for some Banana SCIENCE!) Since my twenties, I’ve eaten one or two a day. Always one in the morning, sometimes a frozen one at night. There’s a lot of good things in a banana (vitamin C, Potassium, Fiber, etc.).

Just before my 59th birthday, I had my yearly physical and blood test. Everything looked good, except my Potassium level was high. The doctor asked what I’d been eating. In addition to my usual banana per day, I’d also been snacking on kiwis, avocados, and dark green leafy veggies – all high in potassium. He recommended I cut back on some of the potassium rich foods, so I went cold turkey on bananas (cold bananas? Yum!)

Within a week of stopping, I started noticing some changes. My usual aches and pains decreased – especially my back pain. I suffer from sciatica that occasionally gets so bad that my right leg won’t support my weight. Excruciating pain and muscle weakness. I use a cane at those times. I had chalked it up to aging and spinal problems. But now, I was wondering how my high-potassium diet might be adding to the issues.

So, I checked in with a good friend who’s also a nutritionist. She told me that potassium and sodium are used by the muscles to contract and relax. Normally the levels are controlled by the kidneys, so excess potassium isn’t an issue. However, when the levels get too high, it can cause serious issues. Including heart problems!

Strange as it sounds, I was starting to put some pieces together. My sciatica, a benign cyst in one kidney, aches and pains… and the potassium from my daily banana.

I now believe that all of these factors contributed to my back pain and my muscle weakness.

Since I stopped, my muscles seem stronger, balance better, and even my hair has been darkening from its silvery grey tone to a darker brown/black.

The take-away: Sometimes a small change in diet or lifestyle can have dramatic results. Taking stock of ourselves, habits and health may be very beneficial in the long run.

I wish you all good health, and look forward to hearing about the changes going on in your lives…

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Vote For Our Rights (song)

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Vote For Our Rights (song)

Dedicated to all my friends and neighbors who believe the USA is headed into darker times…

Audio:

      Vote For Our Rights (Joe J Thomas)

“Vote For Our Rights”
(parody song of Times Of Your Life by Paul Anka)
Lyrics and singing by Joe J Thomas
Published Independence Day, July 4th, 2022

Lyrics:

Farewell my USA. I woke up, when rights were stripped away.
Mass shootings happen all the time. It’s hard to change some people’s minds.
Remember, will you remember?

Our days are ruled by fear. No longer those golden yesteryears.
The good things now have all been seen. And people are angry and mean.
Remember, will you remember to vote for our rights.

They pack the courts and fix elections.
With power and money on their minds.
Scandals ‘bout men and their erections.
But when they are pressed give deflections.

Now here’s the saddest part; Our country is run by white old farts.
Their 1950’s state of mind is out of touch with modern times.
Remember, will you remember to vote for our rights?

The future’s in our hands. I really hope that you understand.
If we don’t do more than complain the country’s headed down the drain.
Remember, will you remember to vote for our rights?
For our rights…
Vote for our rights, vote for our rights.
For our rights…

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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