Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)

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Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)

*** as heard on Dr. Demento! ***

A wholesome song about my favorite apple… or is it?

The reason the apple industry won’t hire Tom Jones.

A Triple Entendre Parody Song.

Audio:

      PinkLady_JoesDump

Video (with Closed Captions):

Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Pink Lady [Eat A Lady] (parody of Tom Jones “She’s A Lady”)
Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas

When I don’t know what I want, feeling hungry, feeling gaunt after dinner.
There is something in my place that I stick into my face that is a winner.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
I might have her in a pie, lookin’ yummy when she’s fried with something saucy
She is crunchy and she’s sweet, such a high fiber treat, her skin is glossy
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
When I’m at the supermarket know I always choose her
Always treat her with respect cause I don’t wanna bruise her
Sometimes when we get back home I put her in a juicer
She’s so versatile she could fill a whole buffet. Hey, hey, hey!
When I pop her in my mouth then I know what she’s about. She’s so delicious.
She got vitamins A and C, Riboflavin helps me see. She’s so nutritious.
I eat a lady! Whoa whoa whoa, Eat a lady!
Talkin’ about a Pink Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
~~~
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Whoa whoa whoa! Eat a Lady!
Listen to me. I eat a Lady. And that lady tastes fine.
Yeah yeah yeah! Eat a Lady! Talkin’ about a Pink Lady.
Whoa whoa whoa! And that lady, oh that lady tastes fine…

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Sappy Songs List

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Sappy Songs List

Just a list of Sappy Songs… Feel free to comment and add your own 😉

  • I can’t smile without you
  • I can’t live if living is without you
  • I’ll never smile again
  • I’ll never fall in love again
  • I can’t go for that
  • I can’t stop loving you
  • I can’t tell you why
  • I can’t fight this feeling anymore
  • I can’t help myself

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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How Business Is Done: William Lee

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How Business Is Done: William Lee

If you want to know how real business gets done, here’s a great example.

William Lee is a filmmaker in Ohio who’s been producing his own movies since before I met him in the 1980’s. He’s worked hard to build a network of actors, crew, distribution, etc. He’s a one-man production company. And even teaches filmmaking and has a William Lee Film Tribute released by The American Genre Film Archive. By any measure, he’s a self-made bona fide success story. And 30+ years since our last project, he’s still teaching me how real business is done.

We’ve been in touch over the years, but never had a good fit for his projects. On an upcoming film, William had an idea that he thought my voice would work for. Here’s how the process played out:

  • He sent me a message asking if I’d be interested, along with some sample copy.
  • I sent back some takes for him to choose from.
  • He liked one read in particular and wanted to hire me.
  • I gave him my rate – no beefs, negotiation or whining.
  • I recorded and sent the audio.
  • We agreed on a payment method.
  • He paid me.
  • ~ Fin ~

This. This is how Business is done. Professional. Efficient. Simple.

No Drama.

It’s easy to find people on both sides of the camera who aren’t this professional.

But it’s the true pros that are the ones you’ll want to keep as clients.

For more information on William Lee and his films, visit: Cinema Lexzikon Productions

William Lee: Filmmaker

William Lee: Filmmaker

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Ruby, You’re Just A Circus Clown

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Ruby, You’re Just A Circus Clown

parody of “Ruby” by Kenny Rogers
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas

      Ruby You're Just A Circus Clown (Joe J Thomas)

Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

— Lyrics —
Ruby, You’re Just A Circus Clown
parody of “Ruby” by Kenny Rogers
Singing and Lyrics by Joe J Thomas

You painted up your face and you put on a frizzy wig
Ruby you know nobody wears shoes that are so big
You crammed into that tiny car with all your friends in town
Oh Ruby, you’re just a circus clown

I know you like to leave the crowds clamoring for more
But when you aren’t at work most times you’re just a crashing bore
And though I like that circus made entirely of fleas
Oh Ruby, you still suck at puppetry

That first day that we fell in love I was so hypnotized
You smiled at me but now there’s something that I realize
That lipstick makes it look like you have got a droopy frown
Oh Ruby, you’re still a circus clown

I know you care ‘cuz I just heard the honking of your horn
The way you squirt me with a flower makes our love feel reborn
Give me a rubber nose and we can both go paint the town
Oh Ruby, make me a circus clown
Oh Ruby, let’s turn that frown around

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Commercial Intelligence

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Commercial Intelligence

Top things I learned from watching TV Commercials:

  • Making a sandwich is as difficult as getting a medical degree
  • Men don’t know about laxatives, and can’t read boxes
  • People need cars with auto-brakes because they can’t focus with their kids in the car
  • 6 is greater than 1
  • Frying pans can withstand fire
  • Stubborn belly fat can be eliminated by drinking shakes
  • Nothing is forever: (restaurant shrimp special) “It’s endless, but it won’t last forever!”

PLUS! As a follow up to my “Commercial Broken” post (see below), all of the commercials I found fault with have been removed from YouTube. Coincidence? I think not!

Commercial Broken


 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Cop Series Pitches: Top Ten

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Cop Series Pitches: Top Ten

  1. Clown Cop 2: This Time It’s Serious
  2. Carrot Cop: Nothing To Laugh At
  3. Criminal Cop: He Did The Time, He’ll Do Your Crime
  4. Comic Cop: You Don’t Wanna Be His Punchline
  5. Clear Cop: You’ll Never See Him Coming
  6. Coffee Cop: Look Out For His Mug Shot
  7. Caterer Cop: Serving Up Justice
  8. Cheese Cop: Working For A Grater Gouda
  9. Cat Cop: He Won’t Come When You Call
  10. Camping Cop 7: In Tents Situations

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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The Like Ship! (Love Boat Parody)

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The Like Ship! (Love Boat Parody)

–> CLICK HERE! to buy it on The FuMP! <--

(Audio version)

      The Like Ship! (Joe J Thomas)

–> Buy it on The FuMP! (click here)

The Like Ship
(Prequel to The Love Boat)
Pilot Episode Theme Song

In 1990, after a successful 10 year run of “The Love Boat” the producers decided to make a prequel: “The Like Ship”

Pitch: Like “Love Boat”, but with dogs.

It was an utter disaster.

This theme song is all that remains…

(dedicated to the memory of Gavin MacLeod 1931-2021)

Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
(vo) Love Boat prequel “The Like Ship”, pilot episode, reel 1…
Like… Your balls may turn blue
She’s so hot, but not into you!
And Like… You just wanna score
We all know, it’s not her it’s you!
The Like Ship! Everyone thinks that you’re just no fun
It’s Friendship! Just stick a fork in you ’cause you’re done
There’s no course to adventure, you won’t get a second chance
And Like… No need to feel sore
It’s a wave goodbye from a closing door
It’s LIKE!
You will be bored with LIKE!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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I Am Not Don LaFontaine!

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I Am Not Don LaFontaine!


(parody of “I am I, Don Quixote” from Man of La Mancha)

What’s your Impossible Dream for VO?

Here’s a song about mine:

Audio version:

      I Am Not Don LaFontaine! (Joe J Thomas)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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All Work And No Play

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All Work And No Play


(a stream of consciousness tale)

During the stage play of “1940’s Radio Hour”, I wrote a stream of consciousness story. One page per night. This… is that story!

But first, the story of the story:

I played Clifton Feddington in the stage show “1940’s Radio Hour”. A really fun slice-of-life show about a radio station in the… wait for it… 1940’s! The great thing about our performance was that we treated the stage like it was the radio studio. We all came in as if we were coming to work for the evening shift. Then stayed the entire show on stage. Even during intermission we were there milling about, waiting for the radio program to go back on the air.

I was the station manager / head honcho. And during the performance I spent a lot of time in my office (on stage) typing up the imaginary script for that evening’s performance. Except instead of typing nonsense, I typed nonsense that turned into a story… of sorts.

Each night, I’d type a full page of the story, then come out of my office and hand it off to someone. By the end, I had a lot of pages.

So!!! Here’s the story. Don’t expect it to make sense. After all, it was stream of consciousness during a live stage performance.

Enjoy!

(first page follows… retyped… full pdf story is below)

“All Work And No Play”
makes
Jack A. Dull
(boy)
It was a dark and stormy night. The wind howled in the trees like
a horse with a bum leg. But you can ‘t get a cup of coffee anymore
in this town- – not at night , not in the winter, not when it’s cold,
not for a nickel, not with my girl you don’t.
But, I haven’t got time for that now. Not with ten guys on my
tail with the combined intelligence of a sack of White Castles.
Let me start a t the beginning…
Well, it was exactly fifteen years ago today. Yeah, I remember it
just like it was yesterday. Come to think of it, that was only ten
years ago. Or maybe seven. But that’s not the point I was trying
to make. Yeah, there was no getting around it. I had strayed so far
from anything resembling a plot that I couldn’t even see the graveyard
from where I was kneeling.
So, there I was, nipple deep in yellow snow with nothing to show for
it but a jerky little alcoholic dog names ted. That’s when I met
Jack A. Dull. I never did find out what the A. stood for, but there
he was, just the same.
“Looks like your cat’s got a nasty fur ball”, he quipped.
All I could think of to say in response to a witty but inane
comment like that was “Peop1e are always saying something
about anything, it’s just too bad that no people will ever
be any closer to the truth than I am to you right now.”
I could tell by the look in his ear that he was expecting a comment
just like the one I ‘d thought of. Too bad that wasn’t the one that
came out of my mouth.
“That’s no way to retort a comment”, she sighed.
“Well, well, if it isn’t little Miss Underwire…”
Tracy Underwire, to be precise. She had a body that was so firm
that it looked like she used a gallon of mousse on each side. But
that wasn’t the reason she showed up tonight. No , that answer was
just a little too pat for me. Butter just wasn’t in the cards for
me. And let me tell you, I was the type of guy who liked a little
butter with my cards once in a while.

(full pdf below)
1940s_All-Work-No-Play

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Working at Joe’s Dump

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Working at Joe’s Dump

Here’s a bit of a peek behind the curtain about Working at Joe’s Dump.

I keep a Google doc with all of my ideas for new posts. Once I’ve actually gotten around to using an idea, I move it over to a completed document. They’re both getting pretty long after all these years.

The reason I mention it is because it’s a great way to stay creative. Whenever I hit a snag in one project, I just look to see what random ideas I’ve had in the past. Sometimes I’ll feel like completing one of those instead.

Right now, I’ve got 3 or 4 songs in the works, some ideas for business posts, poetry and graphics notions, video ideas, etc.

Once you start writing down ideas, the process becomes much easier… and a bit addictive.

So, when I feel overwhelmed or under pressure, it’s time to take a break.

Listen to your muse – sometime she’s saying “Take some time off”.

You’ll come back refreshed and ready to create.

… at least that’s how it works for me 😉

Cheers,
Joe

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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