A Xmas Tale for all of the Voice Actors in VO-Ville 😉
—— Script ——
~~~
How The Grimch Stopped Sessions
A Xmas Tale for all of the Voice Actors in VO-Ville 😉
~~~
News Anchor (fade in): …and I’m your anchor Joe J Thomas wishing you a Happy Christmas 1966. Be sure to stay tuned for our new special, up next on participating stations.
(station id): CBS presents this program in color.
Announcer (music under):
How The Grimch Stopped Sessions
Brought to you by the fine cheese food like products of Krapf.
If you think it kinda might taste like cheese, it’s probably Krapf.
Singers: K.R.A.P.F.!
Narrator:
All the VOs down in VO-Ville liked sessions a lot
But the Grimch, who lived just outside VO-Ville, did not
To look at the Grimch you’d see such a sight
He spells it with an “M” to avoid copyright
Everything one and two that he ventures to do
Makes ear-splitting sounds from wig to wazoo.
One wish would make the VOs day such a joy
A nice quiet time to record with their toys
They talk to their Neumann, Sennheiser and Rode
From their foam padded mass vinyl boxes enclosed
They speak to producers and clients and such
Who direct them and coach them and pay them so much
But the Grimch doesn’t like any of this
He listens, or not, then says with a hiss
“These sessions are all a big bother and fuss”
“I’ll make so much noise that those VOs will all cuss!”
He turns on his bamhammer, blowwinder and boomer
Starts up his highscreamer, sireener, and vroomzoomer
The Grimch has noisewhiners that pierce through the heads
Of all the quiet VOs still sleeping in beds
Song:
You’re a loud one, Mr Grimch.
You’re a noisy woisey fool
You’ve got blowy, go-ey gadgets and a load of bangy tools, Mr Grimch!
Living next door to you is a 24 hour construction zone!
Narrator:
The Grimch did his worst, then turned for a look
The VOs hadn’t stopped, with new jobs that they’d booked
And a new thought appeared in his loud Grimchy head
Perhaps instead of such clatter there’s something better instead.
Maybe a rake or a broom would be nicer than blowing…
Then the Grimch said “Nah!” and continued his mowing!
(music to fade out)
—— fin! ——
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“Have You Killed Me?”
Parody: of “Have You Seen Her?” by the Chi-Lites
By Joe J Thomas
Ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah… Ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…
One year ago today, I was hired to play a part
My job as a voice actor, talkin’ to a mic, recording in the dark
Doin’ a character in a video game, the one the children play
For me, it was just another gig, but they play that shit every day
They all follow me online, They seem to know my name
I get likes and comments, But it still doesn’t ease my pain
There’s no way I can beat ‘em, They’ll play ‘til their brains are fried
I keep sayin’ I’ll win someday, Seems I’m just not qualified
Oh, they chase me down for my treasure hoard. Crack me on my skull like it was a gourd
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Yeah they fight in groups on their tv screens. Isn’t fair when it’s one against a team.
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Why, oh why did you have to stab me with a sword?
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…: I’ve been used for gamers’ entertainment
And I lost, baby, I lost!
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
Oh you cast a spell with your mystic art, Then you plunged a dagger in my heart
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Yeah they slay me from the dusk till dawn, Don’t they know in this game that I just respawn
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Why, oh why did you have to set my head aflame? Oh, no!
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…: I’ve been shot, and stabbed and hit with boulders
And I lost, baby, I lost!
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
As another game comes to an end, I’m lookin’ for a potion or somethin’
Anything that would put me on the mend, With all the powers I have, hmm
I’m still a wounded man, You know it’s funny
Here I thought the bosses were the ones in command
3X: Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
— original lyrics —
“Have You Seen Her” by the Chi-Lites
2X: Ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah… Ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…
One month ago today, I was happy as a lark
But now I go for walks, To the movies, maybe to the park
I have a seat on the same old bench, To watch the children play, huh
You know tomorrow is their future, But for me just another day
They all gather ’round me, huh, They seem to know my name
We laugh, tell a few jokes, But it still doesn’t ease my pain
I know I can’t hide from a memory, Though day after day I’ve tried
I keep sayin’ she’ll be back, But today again I’ve lied
Oh, I see her face everywhere I go, On the street and even at the picture show
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Oh, I hear her voice as the cold winds blow, In the sweet music on my radio
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Why, oh, why: Did she have to leave and go away?
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…: I’ve been used to havin’ someone to lean on
And I’m lost, baby, I’m lost
Oh, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo; Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Have you seen her; Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
Oh, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo; Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Have you seen her; Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
Oh, she left her kiss upon my lips, But left that break within my heart
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Oh, I see her hand reaching out to me, Only she can set me free
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Why, oh, why; Did she have to leave and go away
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…, I’ve been used to havin’ someone to lean on
And I’m lost, baby, I’m lost
Oh, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Have you seen her
Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
As another day comes to an end, I’m lookin’ for a letter or somethin’
Anything that she would send, With all the people I know, hmm
I’m still a lonely man, You know it’s funny
I thought I had her in the palm of my hand
Have you seen her; Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
Oh (Oh, yeah…eah…eah…), doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
6X: Have you seen her – Tell me have you seen her (with echos)
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
13 Voices in 60 Seconds: Singing Impressions by Joe J Thomas
… and the LP Audio Version for those that want to hear more:
Joe_J_Thomas-Singing_Impressions(long)
More information at: JoeActor.com
Singer: Joe J Thomas
Audio Producer: Mike Finkel
Voice Coach: Charles Ion
Copyright Joe J Thomas (JoeActor.com) 2016
All Rights Reserved
Not a Quinn-Martin Production
How This Demo Came To Be…
As a bit of background, I’ve been singing for several decades. Musical theatre, choir, stage performances with bands… Even traveled with an Elvis impersonator. All of it laid a great foundation. However, it had been a while since my last public performance. Most of my singing now is in the car or for the occasional animation audition.
So, I’d decided to brush up on my singing early in the year, and sought out a new vocal coach. Turns out there is a great guy who teaches at a local college and also gives private lessons.
After getting some of the cobwebs off and learning some new techniques, it was time to put my training to work.
In early August, 2016, I started working with my voice coach and an audio producer on the tracks for the finished demo. The idea had been rattling around in my head for quite some time, and I was already adept at several singing impressions. My voice coach was crucial in getting me to find the right placement for each singer and song.
I recorded a full or partial take of each song (vocal only), and sent the voice track and backing track to the audio producer. We’d also worked together in the past, so he was familiar with my voice and able to give precise feedback on what needed to be tweaked.
Once the base tracks were in a rough edit phase, I enlisted the ears of my wife, and several of my good friends. Each of their feedback went into my decision on which tracks made the final cut.
The last step was for my audio producer to assemble the tracks into a balanced, finished demo.
As a side benefit, I also picked up a lot of new knowledge and techniques.
Now… On to the next challenge!
See you in the booth,
Joe
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
Singing offers a lot of tangible advantages to anyone in Voice Acting.
For those of you who sing, I know I’m preaching to the choir! (rim shot)
But how long has it been since you’ve had a refresher?
And if you’re in VO and don’t sing, why not?
Although I’ve been in many musicals, sung with choral groups, and even performed musical improv, it had been a few years since I really sang.
Time for a tune-up!
I recently started taking lessons with a new teacher, and it’s given me a renewed sense of confidence in my vocal abilities.
Here are just a few of the areas singing can help with:
Tone:
The pitch of your voice… high, medium, low (Soprano, Alto, Tenor, Baritone Bass)
Breathing:
Proper breathing allows you to better control your sound.
Timing:
Learning musical rhythm can help in setting your pace for both segments of the copy and for the overall read.
Vocal Placement:
Chest voice, Head voice, Throat, etc. Placement is especially useful in creating characters and accents.
Core Support and Strengthening:
A strong core is related to your breathing, and can give you more power and energy in your voice.
Volume Control:
Knowing when to sing soft is just as important as being able to belt out a tune. Having a solid control of your volume takes practice.
Conveying Emotion:
Even in a language you may not understand, songs can elicit a great deal of emotion. Learning how to deliver that to your audience is directly applicable to VO work.
Communication of Ideas:
Clear communication is another win for any voice work. Knowing how to form your words and phrases so that they convey ideas is the core of it all.
“Copy or text is musical. It has ebb and flow and different keys. It has sharps, flats, rests, words that are held, chopped off, high or low, soft or loud, all the same emphasis or wild ups and downs, with dynamics and crescendos. Copy reads (or plays) like a story/song, with a beginning, middle and end.”
We hear it all the time… It seems like a simple enough question, but in truth it may as well say “How do I build a house?”
The answer depends on many things, including:
Who’s asking the question?
What genre of VO are they pursuing?
Do they have prior skills?
Here’s three possible scenarios:
Scenario 1: Albert Background: Professional name screen actor in movies and tv. Would like to get into animated features. Advice: Ask your agent or manager to start focusing on VO. Take some classes in mic technique if needed.
Scenario 2: Betty Background: Was in radio for years, now retired. Wants to get into narration. Advice: Take some acting or improv classes, along with coaching for a more natural VO delivery. Get a VO demo made when ready, and find an agent to represent you.
Scenario 3: Charles Background: No prior acting experience, but can do some voices. Loves anime and would like to be an ADR VO. Advice: Start with the basics. Take acting, improv and singing. Learn to build fully-fleshed characters, not just voices. Then move on to VO classes and find a trusted coach. They can lead you from there.
Too often, we rush into answering the question “How Do I Get Into VO?” without considering who’s asking or what they mean. In order for the advice to be truly useful, it must be targeted to the person asking the question.
“If I’m paid to voice a job and it’s never used, does it make a sound?”
Well I’m here to answer “YES!”, and show you some Voice Mime gigs from my own personal forest.
The following are all jobs that I auditioned for, got cast, recorded, and got paid for – that have never been heard until now!
Celebrity Voices
These projects involve celebrity voice matching. Sometimes it is to replace a celebrity voice in a movie or trailer, other times they’re used as scratch tracks until the celebrity has time to record the final version. Continue reading →
