Joe’s Traffic School


Joe’s Traffic School

*** WARNING!!! ***
Joe’s Traffic School is not a school, traffic school, or otherwise knowlegable entity.
We really don’t know squat about the law, driving, or motor vehicles.
What follows is a rant about traffic.
Reader discretion is advised!

General notes:

Pay Attention!

Stay Alert!

Be Courteous and Considerate! (news flash: other people exist, moron)

Don’t Honk! (unless absolutely necessary)

Front of the Line – Stop lights:

If your car is sitting at a red traffic light with a line of other cars behind it, you have one job: Go When The Light Turns Green!!! (as long as the way is clear, of course)

Do not check your texts.

Do not pick your nose.

Do not think about what a lovely shade of green the traffic light is…

Just Go!!!

And if your car is anywhere else in line, as soon as the car in front of you moves… (wait for it) … Move!

Wrong Turns – Left, Right, Other:

When your car is in a left turn lane that doesn’t have a dedicated left turn arrow, move up into the intersection. You’re getting ready to turn. So be ready. If your still there when the light turns from green to yellow… Go!!! On average, three cars should be able to make left turns at a yellow light.

For right turns, if the way is clear and you’re allowed to turn right, then For The Love Of Pete, Turn Right!!! Don’t saunter or linger or consider the meaning of life… Turn!

Mind the Gap – Lost Safety Cushion:

I get it. At highway speeds, a bit of space between you and the car ahead (ie. “Safety Cushion”) can help prevent accidents.

However… when your car is stopped in a line of cars, close the gap! You’re just inconveniencing and confusing the drivers behind you. Sometimes the line behind you may extend into an intersection. You may be blocking a turn lane. Or your inability to move up may cause the guy behind you to rear-end your car because you stopped short. So… Pull UP! (and For The Love Of Pete: KNOW YOUR CAR AND HOW BIG IT REALLY IS!)

Lanes – Lingering, Drifting, and Usage:

In the US-of-A, the left lanes on multi-lane roads are generally for faster traffic. If you’re in the left lane and a bunch of maniac speeders are piled up behind you, move to the right and let them pass. You’re not the speed guardian. Let the cops up ahead catch these numb-nuts!

… and when switching lanes, don’t linger. It should not take you 15 minutes to switch lanes. In part, this is due to people not knowing their own cars. Learn the size and capabilities of your vehicle so we don’t have to put up with you straddling lanes for miles on end.

AND! Stay in one lane. Preferably between the lines.

Bad Drivers – Possible Reasons:

I admit I don’t know the first thing about most of the other drivers on the road, personally speaking. They may have physical limitations, be dealing with life issues, or be mentally unstable. I get it. Sometimes it’s other factors that cause “bad” driving. But, heck… take some responsibility for yourself! If you know you have some issue, work on it, or adapt your driving as best you can.

In closing, here are a few other possible reasons for Bad Driving…

Invisible cars and pedestrians (if these exist, I can’t see ’em. but they seem to be real for some people who are trying to turn or sitting at lights)

Nitroglycerin or Live Fish in an Open Container (oh! that’s why you’re driving so slowly!)

E-Driving (turn off the damn phone. stop texting. don’t fiddle with the multi-disc player. you’re not that important, sparky)

Mechanical Car Issues (belching smoke? can’t get in gear? loud muffler? FIX IT!!!)

Be safe out there!


All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at:



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