The Hell of Diets!

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The Hell of Diets!

“The Hell of Diets!”
by Joe J Thomas

(a parody of “The Sound of Silence” by Disturbed and Simon & Garfunkel)

Copyright 2016, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump
All Rights Reserved
Not a Quinn-Martin Production

The Hell of Diets! (title card)
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“The Hell of Diets!”
by Joe J Thomas
(a parody of “The Sound of Silence” by Disturbed and Simon & Garfunkel)

Hello treadmill my old friend
It’s time to walk on you again
Because my waistline slowly creeping
Broke my belt while I was feasting
And my scale had a sorry tale to tell
I nearly fell
Into the hell of diets

In restaurants I eat alone
Chewing grain that’s ground on stone
Counting calories like a champ
I wiped my brow and it was cold and damp
And I gulped a soda
That I think was Pepsi light
Or Crystal Light
I’m in the hell of diets

And on the menu there I saw
Kale, tofu and quinoa
People eating without tasting
With complexions that looked pasty
People eating food
That no one ever should
It tastes like wood
There in the hell of diets

“Fools” said I, “you cannot run
Or eat a burger without a bun
Stop eating crap that is gluten free
And put some sugar in your coffee and tea”
But my words like little skittles fell
And echoed in the hell of diets

And the people ate and payed
To the health food God they made
Have a cleansing and a juice fasting
All your chakras need recasting
And the man said
“Your money is our profit
And we’ll take every cent you make”
There’s no cheesecake
When you ache from the hell of diets

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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