Vintage Horror
Happy Halloween!
The best way for me to celebrate is with some old friends… Really. Old. Friends.
A scary bit of fun with some singing delebs (that’s dead celebs)
Buy it on The FuMP!!! (clicky! clicky!)
An original song by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump (JoesDump.com)
Copyright 2025, All rights reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Key:
Boris Karloff (BK), Peter Lorre (PL), Vincent Price (VP), Bela Lugosi (BL), Anthony Perkins (AP), Tor Johnson (TJ)
— Song Open —
(Sfx knock on door, creeky open, storm outside)
VP: gentlemen, welcome! Bela, Peter, Boris… So glad you could all make it back.
(chatter from others)
BK: Lugosi! Don’t tell me you’re going to sing too!
BL: What’s the matter, Karloff… Don’t you like torture?
VP: All right! Settle down everyone. Peter, why don’t you get us started with the drums?
PL: I didn’t come back from the dead just to be Ringo!
VP: All right Peter, calm yourself. You’ll be more like Phil Collins, ok?
PL: Well all right, I guess…
(Drums Start)
VP: Boris, you’re on Bass.
BK: I’m down with that, Vinnie.
(Bass Starts)
VP: Get to your instruments, all, and let’s knock this out so we can all go back to our final resting places…
(Music Intro)
— Song Lyrics —
BK: It’s been a while since we’ve been here
PL: To play upon your darkest fears
BL: From catacombs and out the ground
VP: We’ve got the soul for getting down
BK: A messy death by rope or knives
PL: You’re struggling to stay alive
BL: From poison tea or drowning lake
VP: Your soul may rot in hell to bake
— Chorus —
BK+PL: We’ve traveled from beyond the veil
BK+PL: With clammy hands and ghostly tales
BL+VP: The time has come for you to scream
BL+VP: You’ll not awaken from this dream
PL: You see the signs. It isn’t good.
BL: No friendly face in this neighborhood
VP: Grisly ghouls claw at your doors
BK: A nightly terror of ghastly horrors
PL: From underground and outer space
BL: There’s nowhere safe, no happy place
VP: The wraiths and creepers at your home
BK: Will never stop until you’re gone
— Chorus —
PL+BL: We’ve traveled from beyond the veil
PL+BL: With clammy hands and ghostly tales
VP+BK: The time has come for you to scream
VP+BK: You’ll not awaken from this dream
VP: Still, in the morning, all seems well
PL: A nightmare only, truth to tell
BK: But daylight doesn’t last so long
BL: That you’ll escape this eerie song
VP: Go have your breakfast, lunch and sup
PL: Late in the evening we’ll wake you up
BK: The whole thing will begin anew
BL: We’re on our way to sing to you!
VP: (Ah-hahahahahha)
— Song Close —
(more chatter, everyone leaves, door closes)
AP: Hello? Am I too late?
TJ: No One Here! Time For Go To Bed!
AP: Norman? Is that man Tor here again? What have I told you?!?!?
TJ+AP: Uh-Oh!!
– (fin)
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
