New Greek Gods


New Greek Gods

The ancient Greeks were pretty with it for their time. They had a god for everything! And their gods were relatable, with human flaws.

But, over time, they’ve fallen out of the lime light.

SO! It’s time to update the old pantheon of Greek gods. Make them more relevant to today’s mortal world. Here are my suggestions for some New Greek Gods!

Guyseidon: God of pickup lines

“If I said thee hadst a good body, wouldst thou hold it against me?”

Argumenon: God of bickering

“What’s THAT supposed to mean? (… and so it begins)”

Borborygmus: God of flatulence

“Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Somebody crack a window… Oops, I already did!”

Sporticus: God of exercise

“C’mon! Those glutes ain’t gonna squat themselves! Twenty more!”

Noteus: God of to-do lists

“Hmmm… Where’s that post-it with the list of other lists of things I have to do?!?!?”

Googlio: God of internet searches

“Done! Finally finished that wiki for Etruscan Shrews.”

Whackus: God of porn (son of Googlio)

“Uh, dad? Can you give me the keys to the internet?”

Sneuss: God of naps and children’s stories

“Are you sleepy in your head? Are you napping in a bed? If you’re snoozing on the floor, be sure to close that kitchen door!”

Haties: God of social media outrage (brother of Argumenon)

“WHAT!?!?!? YOU CAN’T HAVE AN OPINION ON MY POST!?!?! HOW DARE YOU!!! [block] [unfriend] [unfollow]”

Fibrosia: God of colon health

“I’m all set. Just gotta eat a bushel of oats, three times a day.”

AppYolo: God of Phone Entertainment and Whatever

“So, while you’re playing Apptastic’s Bird Smasher 2, just use two fingers and make an upside-down V gesture, and your tablet will order your favorite pizza.”

Parentheus: God of helicopter parents and unnecessary worrying

“Ok, little Tinder. We’re at your school. Make sure the Door Guard has your hand before you unbuckle your safety belt. I’ll be right outside in the car in case you feel insecure about anything. Have fun at college, dear!”

Medius: God of cable news and conspiracy theories

“Polls show that most people think polls are unreliable.”


All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at:



Celebrity Superpower


Celebrity Superpower

In many ways, being a celebrity can be like having a superpower. It makes them larger than life. It can be used for good or for evil. People will follow them for a whole host of reasons. And, on a personal level, it can be healthy for them, or cause them harm. Or both.

It also has many parallels to the Greek Gods. They were larger versions of humans, with all the emotions, flaws and drama. Just writ bigger on the heavens.

In the end, what strikes me most about celebrity is the difficulty it must bring in leading a normal life.

Though we associate celebrity with the performing arts, many professions have celebrities. Politics, law, medicine, science, restaurants, etc.

Perhaps it’s best for us and the celebrities if we can think of them more as just human beings. They have the same needs, wants and desires. Since I’m in Los Angeles, it’s pretty common to run into a celebrity when you’re out and about. I try to respect their privacy. They deserve to have a private life… just like a secret identity.

In the wake of all the recent celebrities who have passed on, I’d like to hear your thoughts. Feel free to comment below.



All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: