The Hell of Diets!

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The Hell of Diets!

“The Hell of Diets!”
by Joe J Thomas

(a parody of “The Sound of Silence” by Disturbed and Simon & Garfunkel)

Copyright 2016, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump
All Rights Reserved
Not a Quinn-Martin Production

The Hell of Diets! (title card)
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“The Hell of Diets!”
by Joe J Thomas Continue reading

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New Greek Gods

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New Greek Gods

The ancient Greeks were pretty with it for their time. They had a god for everything! And their gods were relatable, with human flaws.

But, over time, they’ve fallen out of the lime light.

SO! It’s time to update the old pantheon of Greek gods. Make them more relevant to today’s mortal world. Here are my suggestions for some New Greek Gods!

guyseidon
Guyseidon: God of pickup lines

“If I said thee hadst a good body, wouldst thou hold it against me?”

argumenon
Argumenon: God of bickering

“What’s THAT supposed to mean? (… and so it begins)”

borborygmus
Borborygmus: God of flatulence

“Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!!! Somebody crack a window… Oops, I already did!”

sporticus
Sporticus: God of exercise

“C’mon! Those glutes ain’t gonna squat themselves! Twenty more!”

noteus
Noteus: God of to-do lists

“Hmmm… Where’s that post-it with the list of other lists of things I have to do?!?!?”

googlio
Googlio: God of internet searches

“Done! Finally finished that wiki for Etruscan Shrews.”

whackus
Whackus: God of porn (son of Googlio)

“Uh, dad? Can you give me the keys to the internet?”

sneuss
Sneuss: God of naps and children’s stories

“Are you sleepy in your head? Are you napping in a bed? If you’re snoozing on the floor, be sure to close that kitchen door!”

haties
Haties: God of social media outrage (brother of Argumenon)

“WHAT!?!?!? YOU CAN’T HAVE AN OPINION ON MY POST!?!?! HOW DARE YOU!!! [block] [unfriend] [unfollow]”

fibrosia
Fibrosia: God of colon health

“I’m all set. Just gotta eat a bushel of oats, three times a day.”

appyolo
AppYolo: God of Phone Entertainment and Whatever

“So, while you’re playing Apptastic’s Bird Smasher 2, just use two fingers and make an upside-down V gesture, and your tablet will order your favorite pizza.”

parentheus
Parentheus: God of helicopter parents and unnecessary worrying

“Ok, little Tinder. We’re at your school. Make sure the Door Guard has your hand before you unbuckle your safety belt. I’ll be right outside in the car in case you feel insecure about anything. Have fun at college, dear!”

medius
Medius: God of cable news and conspiracy theories

“Polls show that most people think polls are unreliable.”

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Henderson and Havner: episode 16!

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Henderson and Havner, episode 16 – “Stars and Garters”

Henderson and Havner


In today’s episode:
Henderson pleads his case to Captain and Chiefy while Havner gets cozy with the consul! Will Henderson convince Captain and Chiefy? Will Havner entice Sparks? How many questions can we fit in to the season two finale episode blurb??

Listen to episode 16 of this exclusive series from Pendant Productions:

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Henderson and Havner: episode 15!

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Henderson and Havner, episode 15 – “Second Chances”

Henderson and Havner


In today’s episode:
Henderson pleads his case to Captain and Chiefy while Havner gets cozy with the consul!

Listen to episode 15 of this exclusive series from Pendant Productions:

      HandH15master

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Henderson and Havner: episode 14!

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Henderson and Havner, episode 14 – “Crime and Love”

Henderson and Havner


In today’s episode:
It’s a chase through Los Angeles, and sometimes it feels like every person in town is a cop or a reporter!

Listen to episode 14 of this exclusive series from Pendant Productions:

      HandH14master

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Henderson and Havner: episode 13!

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Henderson and Havner, episode 13 – “A Second First Date”

Henderson and Havner


In today’s episode:
H and H regroup, but Captain and Chiefy overhear and the game is afoot!

Listen to episode 13 of this exclusive series from Pendant Productions:

      HandH13master

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Henderson and Havner: episode 12!

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Henderson and Havner, episode 12 – “Pre-Planning the Pre-Plan”

Henderson and Havner


In today’s episode:
Captain and Chiefy find common ground while H and H scheme to reach the big time!

Listen to episode 12 of this exclusive series from Pendant Productions:

      HandH12master

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Livin’ with Fast Food!

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“Livin’ With Fast Food”

(parody song of “Life in the Fast Lane” by The Eagles)

Concept and Lyrics by: Joe J Thomas
Voice, Guitar, and Mix by: Power Salad

Copyright: Joe J Thomas and JoesDump.com 2015
All Rights Reserved
Not A Quinn-Martin Production

—— Lyrics ——
“Livin’ With Fast Food”
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Henderson and Havner: episode 11!

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Henderson and Havner, episode 11 – “Slankets in the City”

Henderson and Havner


In today’s episode:
Chiefy reaches the breaking point with Havner, who takes her frustrations out on Henderson!

Listen to episode 11 of this exclusive series from Pendant Productions:

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Comedy Saved My Soul

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Robin Williams, Sam Kinison, and a Demon walk into a bar…

Is this a joke?

No. It’s a dream I had.

Robin Williams and Sam Kinison

You see, in the dream, the Demon was there for my soul.
He came into the bar while I was chatting with Robin and Sam.
Being a well mannered spawn from hell, he joined in on the conversation.
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