I Wanna Be A Moose

Share

I Wanna Be A Moose

poetry by Joe J Thomas

I wanna be a moose
And wander through the woods
I’d munch on marshy grasses
And do what mooses should
With my moose wife at my side
A couple kids in tow
We’d amble in the forest
Until the evening glow
The lure of lights would call us
To visit your backyard
To nibble at your gardens
Without the slightest regard
After a dip into the pool
Your kitchen is our aim
There’s leftovers in the fridge
And a dog that we can blame
In the morning you awake
To find us in your den
The families are asleep
All the mooses and the men
I see you standing on the stairs
And give a moosey “Hello!”
But you don’t speak our language
So out the door we go
Back to the woods with kids behind
Reluctantly we leave
But don’t despair; we will return
Some other summer’s eve

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

Share

Happy AllTheDays! (er, Holidays)

Share

Happy AllTheDays! (er, Holidays)

a short poem by Joe J Thomas
in honor of holidays in California, 2015

It’s one week after Halloween
No chill is in the air
With temperatures in the eighties
And skies sunny and fair
Although the tinseled trees displayed
At stores across the town
I just can’t feel the spirit
With two months counting down
Each year the holidays come sooner
I’m pretty sure we’ll see
December having fireworks
And May with Christmas trees
So here’s a plan that I’ll enact
I hope you’ll follow suit
All holidays are on my house
From the basement to the roof
St Nick is on the rooftop
Skeletons by the street
The Easter Bunny’s in the yard
With Dreidels by his feet
A Leprechaun is by the fountain
With American flags in his gold
The New Year’s baby crawls on the porch
And a turkey leg he holds
With all the other holidays
Displayed around my house
The grass will wither soon and die
That’s good news for the drought!

Happy AllTheDays

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

Share

Long Feet, Short Femurs

Share

Long Feet, Short Femurs

Shopping for socks. Why is it that whatever ones I buy always seem to grab my toes like some boa constrictor? Are my feet abnormally long or something? I mean, I know my second toe is longer than the big toe. That’s normal, right? Based on sock manufacturers, I have to conclude that everyone just has smaller feet than me. Or they’re fine with their feet being bound, unable to wiggle their toes.

Shopping for a sofa. Why is it that whatever sofa I sit on, the seat is always way too deep? It’s the perfect depth between being an actual couch, and a couch with an ottoman. I guess I could buy some throw pillows so my back can actually touch something when my feet are on the floor. Maybe that’s it! It’s a conspiracy between the couch makers union and the throw pillow makers union. (checks online for throw pillow makers union) Nope. I guess that’s not it. I guess I just have to conclude that everyone else has longer femurs than I do.

So, to all of the long-legged, short-footed people buying stuff out there… Congratulations! You’ve flooded the market with your merchandise and I can’t find anything!

Now then, on to more important matters.

Why are my sleeves always so long?!?!?!?

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

Share

Voice Over Limericks!

Share

Voice Over Limericks Logo

Fiverr Ten
A desperate guy named Ted
Wrote a Fiverr ad which read:
“For five bucks I’ll voice”
“Whatever’s your choice”
“And for ten you’ll get breakfast in bed!”

DAW, Doh!
Is your system a Mac or PC?
AIF, WAV, MP3?
When you’re starting VO
It’s important to know
What’s better? Protools or Adobe?

Re: Union
The union will give you a say
As a group we have more sway Continue reading

Share

Digital Legacy

Share

Digital Legacy

I am immortal.
Well, at least my data is.
Blog posts, emails, social media…
Videos, photos, and audio recordings.
Government and industry data.
Medical and financial records.
Radio and TV broadcast around the earth and into space.
How much will be left after I’ve gone?
And yet…
Before any of these technological marvels.
It was the memory of family and friends where one lingered.
That’s still true today.
I think I may prefer that to immortality.

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

Share

(conspiracy theory)

Share

Conspiracy Theory: Conspiracy Theory

Conspiracy from the halls of power
Governments, Religions, Industries
They meet in secret
Secured in VPN tunneled chats
In person at clandestine locations
Guarded by muscle, money and technology
The powerful ones decide
Which Conspiracy Theory to foster
Keep the masses busy… Preoccupied
Angry at something, or someone else
Like jingling the keys in front of an infant
We watch, and talk, and argue
While they do whatever they want
And they get away with it
Because we are easily led
Conspiracy Theories
Terrorists, Vaccines, UFOs, Planetary Alignment
They push them out to the publicity machine
Like drug dealers to the junkies
And the truth is buried under a mountain of meaningless noise
This is my Conspiracy Theory Conspiracy Theory

Guardian of the Internet

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

Share

Sounds Familiar

Share

Sounds Familiar

a short poem by Joe J Thomas

Barking out orders to infantrymen
Clucking like a chicken
Asking questions in Klingon

A sixty year old teacher in South Africa
A teenage Russian
The British voice in museums

A fight with Superman
The leader of the X-Men
A nameless evil from the pit

My job.
My voice.
What’s next?

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

Share

Dump Gold! (2014 Edition)

Share

Dump Gold!

(2014 edition)

Joe's Dump Store - Memorial Day Sale!

Joe’s Dump has been around over 2 years. With more than 100 posts, it’s time for a bit of Dump Digging to harvest out some of my favorite posts from the past year…

Organized by category for your convenience below – Enjoy!

Business:
V321.ru – The Story
Moth or Flame?
Technology Rising, Quality Sinking
You Actor
Good, Fast, Cheap – A New Take
Branding Versatility
The Myth Of Conversational VO
Silent Computer
Continue reading

Share