Long Feet, Short Femurs

Shopping for socks. Why is it that whatever ones I buy always seem to grab my toes like some boa constrictor? Are my feet abnormally long or something? I mean, I know my second toe is longer than the big toe. That’s normal, right? Based on sock manufacturers, I have to conclude that everyone just has smaller feet than me. Or they’re fine with their feet being bound, unable to wiggle their toes.

Shopping for a sofa. Why is it that whatever sofa I sit on, the seat is always way too deep? It’s the perfect depth between being an actual couch, and a couch with an ottoman. I guess I could buy some throw pillows so my back can actually touch something when my feet are on the floor. Maybe that’s it! It’s a conspiracy between the couch makers union and the throw pillow makers union. (checks online for throw pillow makers union) Nope. I guess that’s not it. I guess I just have to conclude that everyone else has longer femurs than I do.

So, to all of the long-legged, short-footed people buying stuff out there… Congratulations! You’ve flooded the market with your merchandise and I can’t find anything!

Now then, on to more important matters.

Why are my sleeves always so long?!?!?!?

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com