The Like Ship
(Prequel to The Love Boat)
Pilot Episode Theme Song
In 1990, after a successful 10 year run of “The Love Boat” the producers decided to make a prequel: “The Like Ship”
Pitch: Like “Love Boat”, but with dogs.
It was an utter disaster.
This theme song is all that remains…
(dedicated to the memory of Gavin MacLeod 1931-2021)
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
(vo) Love Boat prequel “The Like Ship”, pilot episode, reel 1…
Like… Your balls may turn blue
She’s so hot, but not into you!
And Like… You just wanna score
We all know, it’s not her it’s you!
The Like Ship! Everyone thinks that you’re just no fun
It’s Friendship! Just stick a fork in you ’cause you’re done
There’s no course to adventure, you won’t get a second chance
And Like… No need to feel sore
It’s a wave goodbye from a closing door
It’s LIKE!
You will be bored with LIKE!
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
“Have You Killed Me?”
Parody: of “Have You Seen Her?” by the Chi-Lites
By Joe J Thomas
Ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah… Ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…
One year ago today, I was hired to play a part
My job as a voice actor, talkin’ to a mic, recording in the dark
Doin’ a character in a video game, the one the children play
For me, it was just another gig, but they play that shit every day
They all follow me online, They seem to know my name
I get likes and comments, But it still doesn’t ease my pain
There’s no way I can beat ‘em, They’ll play ‘til their brains are fried
I keep sayin’ I’ll win someday, Seems I’m just not qualified
Oh, they chase me down for my treasure hoard. Crack me on my skull like it was a gourd
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Yeah they fight in groups on their tv screens. Isn’t fair when it’s one against a team.
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Why, oh why did you have to stab me with a sword?
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…: I’ve been used for gamers’ entertainment
And I lost, baby, I lost!
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
Oh you cast a spell with your mystic art, Then you plunged a dagger in my heart
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Yeah they slay me from the dusk till dawn, Don’t they know in this game that I just respawn
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me?
Why, oh why did you have to set my head aflame? Oh, no!
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…: I’ve been shot, and stabbed and hit with boulders
And I lost, baby, I lost!
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow… ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow ow…
Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
As another game comes to an end, I’m lookin’ for a potion or somethin’
Anything that would put me on the mend, With all the powers I have, hmm
I’m still a wounded man, You know it’s funny
Here I thought the bosses were the ones in command
3X: Have you killed me? Tell me why’d you kill me? [Tell me why’d you kill me?]
— original lyrics —
“Have You Seen Her” by the Chi-Lites
2X: Ah…ah…ah…ah…ah…ah… Ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…ooh…
One month ago today, I was happy as a lark
But now I go for walks, To the movies, maybe to the park
I have a seat on the same old bench, To watch the children play, huh
You know tomorrow is their future, But for me just another day
They all gather ’round me, huh, They seem to know my name
We laugh, tell a few jokes, But it still doesn’t ease my pain
I know I can’t hide from a memory, Though day after day I’ve tried
I keep sayin’ she’ll be back, But today again I’ve lied
Oh, I see her face everywhere I go, On the street and even at the picture show
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Oh, I hear her voice as the cold winds blow, In the sweet music on my radio
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Why, oh, why: Did she have to leave and go away?
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…: I’ve been used to havin’ someone to lean on
And I’m lost, baby, I’m lost
Oh, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo; Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Have you seen her; Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
Oh, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo; Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Have you seen her; Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
Oh, she left her kiss upon my lips, But left that break within my heart
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Oh, I see her hand reaching out to me, Only she can set me free
Have you seen her, Tell me have you seen her
Why, oh, why; Did she have to leave and go away
Oh…oh…oh…oh…oh…, I’ve been used to havin’ someone to lean on
And I’m lost, baby, I’m lost
Oh, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Have you seen her
Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
As another day comes to an end, I’m lookin’ for a letter or somethin’
Anything that she would send, With all the people I know, hmm
I’m still a lonely man, You know it’s funny
I thought I had her in the palm of my hand
Have you seen her; Tell me have you seen her [Tell me have you seen her]
Oh (Oh, yeah…eah…eah…), doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo
6X: Have you seen her – Tell me have you seen her (with echos)
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
The manliest man with the manliest of problems… It’s Big Jim McBob!
Audio
BigJimMcBob_JoesDump
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2020 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production
Runtime: 3:04
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
The Ballad of Big Jim McBob!
(to the tune of Big Bad John by Jimmy Dean)
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
Big Jim McBob was a legend they say
When men did wrong he’d make em pay
With fists of iron and a heart of stone
Manly as hell in a class of his own, that’s Jim
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
He could open a jar o’ pickles with one eyebrow
Bust into a bank cuz he’s got the know-how
Run cross country, go straight through a wall
Was the whole damn team when he played football… Yeah Jim
He’d scale a mountain with both hands tied
Kept a pack of wolves right by his side
Grown men would run from him in fear
His piercing eyes never shed a tear, not Jim
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
He was a Rhodes Scholar and a Shinto Priest
A blazing inferno didn’t worry him the least
Had a thundering voice that could split the sky
With a tone so lovely soothe a baby’s cry… He’s Jim
A lady’s man with a head full of hair
Kind as a puppy and tough as a bear
He’d jump into his pants like a raging bull
And everyone knew those pants were full… Of Jim
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
Now Jim had a woman who he loved strong
Way up in the mountains she done him wrong
She’d laid down a law that he couldn’t heed
And left Big Jim with an aching need… Oh, Jim
They cussed and they argued ’bout who was right
Kept the neighbors up till late in the night
She kicked him out in the cold and the dark
With nowhere to sleep he laid down in the park… poor Jim
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
Now you might wonder what was Jim’s sin
The horrible crime that done him in
It’s only one thing lost his castle and crown…
Big Jim just couldn’t put that toilet seat down. Damnit, Jim!
/ Big Jim. McBob. Big Jim McBob!
When the fast food industry can’t sell you food fast enough, they come up with a new and dastardly plan…
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band / Eat All The Chickens And Hens
Parody of The Beatles “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band / With A Little Help From My Friends”
Video:
Audio
ColSandersGastricBypassBand_JoesDump
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas
Music Backing Soundtrack: Ryohei Kanayama (http://www.goldmine1969.com)
Copyright 2020 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production
Runtime: 5:15
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Colonel Sanders Gastric Bypass Band! (eat all the chickens and hens)
— Extra Crispy Lyrics: —
+++ opening boardroom scene with Col Sanders:
(general boardroom chatter)
(door open/close)
(murmurs of “Col Sanders!”)
Col: Gentlemen! Our secret herbs and spices have done really well over the years, but I fear that we have run into a limiting factor. Seems we can only feed people so much before they are full. We need something new!
(harumph, harumph, harumph)
Col: I did not hear a harumph out of you!
(harumph?)
Col: That’s better! So I have come up with a brand new product, and a new campaign to sell it to our hungry consumers… You! Minimum wage musicians! Play me in!
(musician: Yes sir!)
— the song! —
We got something new for you today
Just come in to Colonel Sanders’ place
You been eatin’ chicken wings and thighs
We can help you fit more inside
It’s gonna be a brand new you
That weight will all disappear
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band!
{music interlude}
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band!
We hope that you got lots of dough
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band!
You’ll wonder where your fat will go
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric
Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band!
Our food will always be here
For you to get your fill
The operation’s starting now
Just breathe in deep and count to ten, you’ll sleep just like a stone
Junk we sell you will make you grow
No nutrition inside you know
Selling sugar and fat’s our thing
The Colonel, Clown and the King
But now that we’re almost through
It’s all gonna disappear
With Colonel Sanders’ Gastric Bypass Band!
…!!!
Sanders Here!
…!!!
What would you think if we ran out of food
Would you get up and walk out the door
How ‘bout a breast or a thigh or a wing
We’ve got stuffing and gravy to pour
…
Oh, when you’re through you can go on a cleanse
Mm, see your doctor and make some amends
Mm, make believe as your waistline extends
…
You can buy buckets of our takeaway.
Then eat it all down to the bone.
Getting more biscuits and cornbread’s okay.
If it costs more we’ll give you a loan
…
Oh, all those chickens are raised up in pens
Mm, but it’s always the same in the ends
Mm, we just fry them by fives and by tens
…
Will we feed anybody?
You just need money for grub
Should this go in your body?
We sell food packed into tubs
…
You won’t believe that you ate every bite
The Extra Crispy really tastes so fine
We’re here to make sure that you’re comfy tonight
So all of our new chairs recline
Oh, gonna sell you whatever we can
Mm, gotta get you to buy and to spend
Oh, gonna fry up some odds and some ends
…
Will we feed anybody?
You just need money for grub
Should this go in your body?
We sell food packed into tubs
…
Oh, in the end it’s all chickens and hens
Mm, gonna fry up some chickens and hens
Oh, gotta sell you some chickens and hens
Yea, gonna eat all the chickens and hens
All the chickens and hens!
Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
www.JoesDump.com
Copyright 2020, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
I’m Speaking Spanish
(parody of Billy Joel’s “You May Be Right, I May Be Crazy”)
Friday night está viernes
What you want is qué quieres
And those too es esos tambíen
You say uno for a one
And El sol es por the sun
Aprendiendo para mi esta bien
When I say hola it means hello
Y abajo es way down below
Mi cerebro that is what you call my brain
Conducir is when I drive
Y llegar is to arrive
But I only use these words when I’m in Spain
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! Pero no sé qué palabras estoy buscando
It’s quite the sight, ‘cuz I’m not Hispanic
Yo escucho la radio all day and night
Well… I learned mi pelo is my hair
Corrí de osos, I ran from bears
It’s Kilómetros there instead of miles
We ate a tomate con pan
Then I fell en un volcan
Cuando violé la ley I was on trial
I held my breath till me puse azul
Martillo y clavos are some tools
El queso dice is what cheese has to say
El cielo está blue
Los dientes are to chew
No sabes dónde then you probably lost your way
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! No entiendes de lo que estoy hablando
I’m really white, there’s no need to panic
You all know que estoy loco, and that’s a riot
(musical interlude)
You heard me right! I’m speaking Spanish!
Hoy! No sé nada de las cosas que te lo digo
My goal’s in sight, but I didn’t plan it
No conozco en mi barrio who’s up all night
A la derecha is on the right
Un submarino must be airtight
Muy blanca that’s very white
Si estás gordo you need a diet
En un vuelo is on a flight
Tu sabes alto is about your height
Muy silencio is very quiet
Vuelas una cometa fly a kite
Buenas noches that means goodnight…
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
…and available for download and purchase at The FuMP!!!
WereShoppingAtTheMall_JoesDump
Written and Sung by: Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All rights reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
Run time: 3:11
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
I don’t understand… What you want to buy here
Purses, clothes and shoes
Any way I lose
I’m carrying the bags… Anything for you, dear
Oh my aching back
I think it’s out of whack
We’re Shopping at the Mall
My wife just bought it all
It won’t fit in the car
I need to find a bar
Then we got some lunch… Something from the food court
I wanted Peiking Duck
But I was out of luck
The burger they served me… Wasn’t of the meat sort
It smelled of month-old grease
Could we just go home please?
And then she turned to me
As happy as can be
That’s when I knew for sure
That I must still endure
We’re Shopping at the Mall
My wife just bought it all
I’d better call the man
To bring a U-Haul van
Does she know I’m here? Why is she still shopping?
Maybe I should speak
My legs are getting weak
We’re never going home… There is just no stopping
Have I lost my mind?
Or just lost track of time?
My credit card’s aflame
I can’t recall my name
How long have we been here
It really seems like years
The room is spinning round
I tumble to the ground
The medics heard my call
We’re Shopping at the Mall
We’re Shopping at the Mall
mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
We’re Shopping at the Mall
We’re Shopping at the Mall
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
