Category Archives: Comedy

We’re Shopping At The Mall

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We’re Shopping At The Mall

Parody of “The Winner Takes It All” by Abba and Carla Bruni

Are you a husband? Have you been dragged to the mall for “The Shopping”? If you’ve been there, this song’s for you…

Now airing on The Dr. Demento Show!

…and available for download and purchase at The FuMP!!!

      WereShoppingAtTheMall_JoesDump

Written and Sung by: Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All rights reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
Run time: 3:11

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
I don’t understand… What you want to buy here
Purses, clothes and shoes
Any way I lose
I’m carrying the bags… Anything for you, dear
Oh my aching back
I think it’s out of whack
We’re Shopping at the Mall
My wife just bought it all
It won’t fit in the car
I need to find a bar
Then we got some lunch… Something from the food court
I wanted Peiking Duck
But I was out of luck
The burger they served me… Wasn’t of the meat sort
It smelled of month-old grease
Could we just go home please?
And then she turned to me
As happy as can be
That’s when I knew for sure
That I must still endure
We’re Shopping at the Mall
My wife just bought it all
I’d better call the man
To bring a U-Haul van
Does she know I’m here? Why is she still shopping?
Maybe I should speak
My legs are getting weak
We’re never going home… There is just no stopping
Have I lost my mind?
Or just lost track of time?
My credit card’s aflame
I can’t recall my name
How long have we been here
It really seems like years
The room is spinning round
I tumble to the ground
The medics heard my call
We’re Shopping at the Mall
We’re Shopping at the Mall
mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm-mmm
We’re Shopping at the Mall
We’re Shopping at the Mall

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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But, Dr. ButtDoctor (parody song)

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But, Dr. ButtDoctor

by: Joe J Thomas

Parody Song about a Proctology Visit Gone Weird

*** Airing on Dr. Demento this week!!! ***

Written and Sung by Joe J Thomas
Featuring Karyn O’Bryant as Nurse Feratu at www.karynobryant.com
Music Parody Mash-Up of:
Matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof and I Feel Pretty from West Side Story
Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

Available for purchase on The FuMP here:
But, Dr. ButtDoctor! (on The FuMP)

But, Dr. ButtDoctor (parody song)

      ButDrButtDoctor_JoesDump

Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
But, Dr. ButtDoctor
Parody Song about a Proctology Visit Gone Weird
By Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump www.JoesDump.com
Featuring Karyn O’Bryant as Nurse Feratu at www.karynobryant.com
Music Parody Mash-Up of:
Matchmaker from Fiddler on the Roof and I Feel Pretty from West Side Story
~~~ intro (spoken):
Nurse: Mr. Thomas?
Joe: Yes?
Nurse: Dr. Buttdoctor will see you now.
Joe: Thank you, Nurse, uh?
Nurse: Feratu. Nurse Feratu.
Joe: Ah… ok.
Doc: Come in Mr. Thomas. Now what seems to be the problem…
Joe: Uh, Well…
~~~ parody (matchmaker)
But Dr. Buttdoctor stare at my crack
I’m dropping trow. Baby got back.
But Dr. Buttdoctor give me a sign
That everything will be fine
But Dr. Buttdoctor glove on your hand
How ‘bout a clue into your plan
Why I’m exposed here in such a cold room
With goosebumps on my full moon
~~~ parody (i feel pretty)
What’s that medieval tool lurking there
(What tool what where)
Where could that horrendous thing go
(I’m sure I don’t know)
Please don’t plug it in
It’d be a sin
Call my next of kin
What a horror show!
~~~ parody (matchmaker)
But Dr. Buttdoctor I changed my mind.
No need to look. Don’t waste your time.
If I just leave now right through the front door
And run down the corridor
But Dr. Buttdoctor this door is locked
I’ll pull up my pants so I’m not half-cocked
Once you unlock this I’ll be on my way
I’m sure things will be ok
~~~ parody (i feel pretty)
All those flashing lights on that console there!
(What console, where?)
Am I in a bad sci-fi show?
(Oh heavens no)
Are we up in space?
Don’t take off your face!
What the heck’s this place?
It’s a UFO!!!
~~~ parody (matchmaker)
Alien Buttdoctor why are you here?
Did you just want, a look at my rear?
Please drop me off at the planet called Earth
So, I’ll tell you what. Don’t think I’m a nut.
Turn this thing round. Back down to the ground.
But please keep away from my butt!
(Oy!)
~~~ ending: (UFO lift-off sound)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Sixty Candles! (another Birthday Song)

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Sixty Candles

by: Joe J Thomas

(parody of Sixteen Candles by The Crests)

Birthday Cake Fire - Joe's Dump

      SixtyCandles_JoesDump

I’m writing a birthday song for every decade.
My last one was “Don’t Worry, You’re Fifty”.

Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Sixty Candles
by: Joe J Thomas
(parody of Sixteen Candles by The Crests)
Happy birthday. You look kind of shaky.
Oh, you are so old.
Sixty candles. What a frightening sight.
Because they’re setting your house alight (set your house alight)
Blow out the candles. Dial nine one one.
This birthday party is no longer fun. (it’s no longer fun)
You’re over sixty. (sixty)
And on the senior scene. (senior scene)
You’ve got pension. And dentures.
And membership in AARP.
(AARP, yeah)
Sixty candles set your house aglow.
Now ash is falling from the sky like snow. (from the sky like snow)

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Fly Trump To The Moon! (parody song)

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Fly Trump To The Moon! (parody song)

*** Warning! F-Bomb! (but it’s a classy one) ***

by: Joe J Thomas

(parody of Sinatra’s “Fly Me To The Moon”)

Copyright 2019, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

FREE! Wallpaper!!!
Trump in a Rocket Ride - Joe's Dump

      Fly Trump To The Moon (Joe J Thomas)

~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Fly Trump To The Moon!
by: Joe J Thomas
www.JoesDump.com

(parody of Sinatra’s “Fly Me To The Moon”)

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Fly Trump to the moon
Let him drift among the stars
Let him see if he can breathe
On a-Jupiter and Mars

In other words: Space Force One!
In other words: Donald, bite me!

Make us great again
You can resign, you crashing bore
Give me what I long for
Trump behind a prison door

In other words: Your time is due…
In other words: Trump, Fuck You!

– music break –

Mueller’s coming soon
Your family’s downfall is assured
Retribution’s on the way
For what we’ve all endured

In other words: Your time is due…
In other words…
In other words: Trump, Fuck … You!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Parody Song! Song

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Parody Song! Song

by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
(parody of The Beatles “Obladi Oblada”)

Finally… the Inception of Parody Songs 😉

      Parody_Song-Song-JoesDump

(lyrics below)

Copyright 2018 Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
Parody Song! Song
by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump
(parody of The Beatles “Obladi Oblada”)

Thought of something funny, gonna write a song
Ain’t got time for music done by hand
Grab some karaoke, you’ll be going strong
And there’s no need for you to go and find a band
[chorus] P. A. R. – O. D. Y. – S. O. N. G! – Gotta love a parody song! (X2)
Workin’ on the lyrics in my studio
Crumpled papers piled upon the floor
Just where all the time went, baby I don’t know
But when I wake up you’re there knockin’ on my door
[chorus] P. A. R. – O. D. Y. – S. O. N. G! – Gotta love a parody song! (X2)
In a couple of hours I will write another verse
Get on the mic and record it all
Like it for better or worse (ha ha ha ha)
Hope to make some money in the marketplace
Singing something funny for the fans
Famous on Demento and that FuMPy place
And then I’ll take it on a tour across the land
[chorus] P. A. R. – O. D. Y. – S. O. N. G! – Gotta love a parody song! (X2)
In a couple of days I will post it up online
On Twitter, Facebook and Instagram
Drop it on Funny or Die (ha ha ha ha)
Getting lots of clicks out on my YouTube site
Check it out the stats keep rolling in
Reading all the comments then it’s nighty-night
And in the morning I’ll just do it all again
[chorus] P. A. R. – O. D. Y. – S. O. N. G! – Gotta love a parody song! (X2)
And if you want some fun, just come and sing along!

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Natural Gas Commercial

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Natural Gas Commercial

Just a little experiment. I added flames to a commercial. Other than that, it’s exactly the same. See how it changes the spot below…

Original:

Modified:

I’ve also experimented with adding Voice Over to alter a commercial. You can view that here:
The Power of Voice Over

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

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Dotard Featherhead

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Fresh from the Dr. Demento show… My new song!

“Dotard Featherhead!”
(a song about a somewhat fictional president)

Dotard: a weak-minded old person
Featherhead: a foolish scatterbrain

(parody of John Denver’s “Grandma’s Feather Bed”)
by Joe J Thomas of Joe’s Dump

Copyright 2018, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump JoesDump.com
All rights reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin production.

~~~ Lyrics ~~~

When I was a tiny little lad my daddy said to me
Son you can set your mind to be anything you wanna be
A rodeo clown or a fireman
You could even be president
But the worst dang one in the U S of A
Was Dotard Featherhead!

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

He only hires the bestest folks,
They spend ‘n waste ‘n collude
He talks about the nukes and the coal
Then he holds a rally or two
The White House has a revolving door,
When he tweets off comes your head
Pretty soon the only one left
Will be Dotard Featherhead

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

(music)

Well he loves his base and he loves the Klan,
Putin and Kim Jong Un
He bankrupt casinos, steaks and schools
Got a golden toilet too, ew!
But if you ask the CIA, FBI or the feds
That noose is getting mighty tight
Around Dotard Featherhead

He’s 6 feet high, 2 tons wide
Dim as a concrete brick
Married 3 times to mail-order brides
Got a tiny little thing for a dick
He lies and cheats and overeats
With a belly that’s way overfed
There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead

There’s Russians and hookers and family
He’s Dotard Featherhead!
…

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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Pay-2-Play Parody Song

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Pay-2-Play Parody Song


by Joe J Thomas

(parody of “If I Could Read Your Mind, Love” by Gordon Lightfoot)

… and if you like this one, you might also enjoy this:

Alone Again, In The Booth

~~~ Lyrics ~~~
I joined a pay-to-play site
‘Cuz I got my voice to sell
They send me lots of auditions
And I’m doin’ really well
Then I reach the part where the paycheck comes
A dollar ninety three
Are you frickin’ kiddin’ me?!?!?
This headset mic is really boss
It’ll take me twenty bucks to pay it off
~~~
If I could read your copy
For a product you’d like to sell
Be on a national commercial
The kind that pays my bills
Maybe I could be on a cartoon show
And be famous on TV
Or a hero in a game
The Simpsons or an Anime
Can’t you see I only need a break
~~~
My fans would think I’m a movie star
With a mansion on the beach
Or maybe even two
With lots of green, I’m on the scene with paparazzi crowding all round me
But for now I should be real
I never learned how to act on stage
And I’ve got to say that they just don’t get it
I don’t know where I went wrong
But my money’s gone and I just can’t get it back
~~~ (end) ~~~

 

All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com

 

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