Dedicated to all my friends and neighbors who believe the USA is headed into darker times…
Audio:
Vote For Our Rights (Joe J Thomas)
“Vote For Our Rights”
(parody song of Times Of Your Life by Paul Anka)
Lyrics and singing by Joe J Thomas
Published Independence Day, July 4th, 2022
Lyrics:
Farewell my USA. I woke up, when rights were stripped away.
Mass shootings happen all the time. It’s hard to change some people’s minds.
Remember, will you remember?
…
Our days are ruled by fear. No longer those golden yesteryears.
The good things now have all been seen. And people are angry and mean.
Remember, will you remember to vote for our rights.
…
They pack the courts and fix elections.
With power and money on their minds.
Scandals ‘bout men and their erections.
But when they are pressed give deflections.
…
Now here’s the saddest part; Our country is run by white old farts.
Their 1950’s state of mind is out of touch with modern times.
Remember, will you remember to vote for our rights?
…
The future’s in our hands. I really hope that you understand.
If we don’t do more than complain the country’s headed down the drain.
Remember, will you remember to vote for our rights?
For our rights…
Vote for our rights, vote for our rights.
For our rights…
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
Defeat of the Spanish Armada
parody of “The Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald” by Gordon Lightfoot
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
When I was a lad t’was one thing made me sad. Them lessons t’were all about history.
With memorized names, all the dates seemed the same. The whole bloody thing was a mystery.
One summer my task that the teacher had asked was a subject of which I knew nada
So I made up a tale and set it to sail ‘bout the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
One ship hit the bank and another one sank when the keelhaul was nibbled by otters
A monster at sea took another twenty three in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
One Capitan at night had his beard set alight and he scuttled his ship to the bottom
As it went down in flames it dragged ten more in chains in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
A nearsighted sailor thought he spotted a failure in the hull that was under the water
He went down with an axe and he never came back from the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
They passed through a geyser chock full of papaya and a fruity wave of piñatas
Fourteen of them wood boats they no longer could float in the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
T’was possession by demons for half of the seaman. They went mad and demanded horchatas
The devils and imps were all turned into chimps for the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
I finished my story and the teacher looked worried then called for my mama and dada
She told them I failed and my future had sailed with the Defeat of the Spanish Armada
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
(parody of “Never Can Say Goodbye” by Gloria Gaynor)
I may have an Amazon addiction… maybe…
Audio:
Amazon Made Me Buy (Joe J Thomas)
Video:
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
Amazon Made Me Buy
(parody of “Never Can Say Goodbye” by Gloria Gaynor)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
Amazon made me buy, don’t you know now
Amazon made me buy
Even though I could just walk outside and get stuff from a store
It’s just so damn inefficient, shopping always leaves me bored
I don’t even need to leave the couch. I’ll just stay behind the door.
Tell me why don’t I go! I’m spending all my dough!
Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, Amazon made me buy, don’t you know. Can’t say no.
Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, I got a new drone that flies. What a show. Watch it go.
Amazon made me buy, lots of new stuff
Amazon made me buy
But the more I bought, the less I had. My money had run out.
Then Alexa clued me in and told me what it’s all about
She said “You just have to sell some stuff then continue to checkout”
Now I gotta sell! I’m in consumer hell!
Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, my bank account is bone dry. It’s so low. Got no dough.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, Frozen pizza sold by the slice. It’s not good. Tastes like wood.
Amazon made me buy, things I don’t need
Amazon made me buy
I had no more stuff at home to sell and my credit was declined
So I stole from friends and neighbors. Yeah I robbed their houses blind
I’ll just fence their things to buy new stuff. Oh, I’m sure they wouldn’t mind
Oh, whoa! All this grief! Am I a common thief?
Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, neighbors, I’m helping you all downsize, Got your stuff. Not enough.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, baby, The boxes are stacked waist high. I can’t see. Woe is me.
Amazon made me buy, I can’t help it
Amazon made me buy
Was it Amazon at my front door? I felt my face go pale
There were fifteen strong policemen come to throw my butt in jail
They said, “You can tell it to the Judge”. Yes it was an epic fail
Oh, I’m not feeling well! Locked in this prison cell!
Amazon made me buy, Judge
Oh it’s crazy, but Amazon made me buy, Let me go. Let me go!
Oh, Amazon made me buy, girl.
Oh, baby, Got a flamingo that’s twice my size. What the heck. I’m a wreck.
(music sting)
Oh, Amazon made me buy, boy.
Oh, baby, Need a thing to make Italian ice. It’s so cold. Just like snow.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, guys.
Oh, baby, Found a painting with creepy eyes. They just see. Look at me.
Oh, Amazon made me buy, Judge.
Oh, baby, Bought an elliptical for my thighs. Exercise. Buns and thighs.
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
— Lyrics —
Box #10 by Jim Croce
Track 10 on You Don’t Mess Around with Jim
Produced by Tommy West & Terry Cashman
Release Date April 1972
View All Credits
Well, out of Southern Illinois
Come a down home country boy
He’s gonna make it in the city
Playin’ guitar in the studio
Well he hadn’t been there an hour
When he met a Broadway flower
You know she took him for his money
And she left him in a cheap hotel
Oh, well, it’s easy for you to see
That that country boy is me
Saying “And how am I gonna ever
Break the news to the folks back home?”
Well, I was gonna be a great success
Things sure ended up a mess
But in the process I got messed up too
“Hello Mamma and Dad I had to call collect
‘Cause I ain’t got a cent to my name
Well I’m sleepin’ in the hotel doorway
And tonight they say it’s gonna rain
And if you’d only send me some money
I’ll be back on my feet again
Send it in care of the Sunday Mission
Box number ten.”
Well, back in Southern Illinois
They’re still worryin’ ’bout their boy
But this boy’s goin’ home soon’s he get’s the fare
Because as soon as I got my bread
I got a pipe upside my head
You know they left me in an alley
Took my money and my guitar, too
“Hello Mamma and Dad I had to call collect
‘Cause I ain’t got a cent to my name
Well I’m sleepin’ in the hotel doorway
And tonight they say it’s gonna rain
And if you’d only send me some money
I’ll be back on my feet again
Send it in care of the Sunday Mission
Box number ten.”
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
I’m a bit obsessed with Edith Piaf’s Nose… or at least that nasal singing.
Edith Piaf's Nose (Joe J Thomas)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
Copyright Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not a Quinn-Martin Production.
— Lyrics —
Edith Piaf’s Nose 👃
Parody of “La Vie En Rose”
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
—
She sings my blood starts racing fast
That nasal sound broadcast
It’s Edith Piaf’s nose
There’s a hole in either side
A schnoz I fantasize
’bout Edith Piaf’s nose
When her whiny singing starts
It pierces through my heart
And yet my ears hear doom
The music begins and there’s cotton to shove
Into my ears just to stop your shrill love song
My mind is finally steadfast
Your voice leaves me aghast
But I love your nose
…
You can’t give me what I ask
I’ll have a rhinoplast
To get Edith Piaf’s nose
Though it looks good on my face
No one can take your place
As Edith Piaf’s nose
When I thought that all was lost
I’d paid the doctor’s cost
You walked into the room
Our noses were certainly something to see
One was for you and the other for me
Now you sing and I’m bereft
I know true love is deaf
Edith Piaf’s nose!
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
The true story of my latest move and remodel… still in progress!
Audio:
UnderConstruction_JoesDump_JoeJThomas
Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
Under Construction
(parody of “Eve of Destruction” by Barry McGuire)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
…
They took my couch and now they’re loading
Into a truck but they don’t know where they’re going
There goes my bed and the dining table
I’d give ’em directions but I don’t think I’m able
And now I got a headache from this twisted fairy tale
So I tell them over and over and over again, my friends
Just wait and see my place is under construction
…
My kitchen stove is stuck in Italy
Now there’s just a hole right where it should be
Not really much that I am seeking
Just gimme one toilet that works and isn’t leaking
Or a water heater capable of heating
So I tell them over and over and over again, my friends
Oh can’t you see my home is under construction
…
Garbage disposal blew out my power
Been leaking like a sieve for over an hour
Now shipping man where’s my delivery
I’m hoping the forth one is just like it should be
Since they broke number two and they lost number three
Looking for someone got a package for me
But I’m so damn pissed that I can hardly see
Don’t you tell me over and over and over again, my friends
I’m living right here in this house that’s under construction
…
Can’t see no end to this home renovating
Used all our money and a touch of innovating
Got a place to sleep and a heater that heating
The plumbing is fine and there’s still a little leaking
I can’t complain but it’s sympathy I’m seeking
Just want a place where no workers are there peeping
And a nice hot meal without going out for taking
And I tell you over and over and over again, my friends
I’m kinda tired living life that’s under construction
I wanna be done with everything that’s under construction
~~~
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
A Xmas Tale for all of the Voice Actors in VO-Ville 😉
—— Script ——
~~~
How The Grimch Stopped Sessions
A Xmas Tale for all of the Voice Actors in VO-Ville 😉
~~~
News Anchor (fade in): …and I’m your anchor Joe J Thomas wishing you a Happy Christmas 1966. Be sure to stay tuned for our new special, up next on participating stations.
(station id): CBS presents this program in color.
Announcer (music under):
How The Grimch Stopped Sessions
Brought to you by the fine cheese food like products of Krapf.
If you think it kinda might taste like cheese, it’s probably Krapf.
Singers: K.R.A.P.F.!
Narrator:
All the VOs down in VO-Ville liked sessions a lot
But the Grimch, who lived just outside VO-Ville, did not
To look at the Grimch you’d see such a sight
He spells it with an “M” to avoid copyright
Everything one and two that he ventures to do
Makes ear-splitting sounds from wig to wazoo.
One wish would make the VOs day such a joy
A nice quiet time to record with their toys
They talk to their Neumann, Sennheiser and Rode
From their foam padded mass vinyl boxes enclosed
They speak to producers and clients and such
Who direct them and coach them and pay them so much
But the Grimch doesn’t like any of this
He listens, or not, then says with a hiss
“These sessions are all a big bother and fuss”
“I’ll make so much noise that those VOs will all cuss!”
He turns on his bamhammer, blowwinder and boomer
Starts up his highscreamer, sireener, and vroomzoomer
The Grimch has noisewhiners that pierce through the heads
Of all the quiet VOs still sleeping in beds
Song:
You’re a loud one, Mr Grimch.
You’re a noisy woisey fool
You’ve got blowy, go-ey gadgets and a load of bangy tools, Mr Grimch!
Living next door to you is a 24 hour construction zone!
Narrator:
The Grimch did his worst, then turned for a look
The VOs hadn’t stopped, with new jobs that they’d booked
And a new thought appeared in his loud Grimchy head
Perhaps instead of such clatter there’s something better instead.
Maybe a rake or a broom would be nicer than blowing…
Then the Grimch said “Nah!” and continued his mowing!
(music to fade out)
—— fin! ——
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
Singing and lyrics by Joe J Thomas
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
High Speed Thinkin’
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
~~~
My doctor said “Son, I don’t know what you’re drinkin’,
But you gotta stop doin’ that high speed thinkin'”
(music)
Started in college just before an exam; My brain’s overheatin’ in a mental jam
That coffee was goin’ down real smooth; Got all them neurons startin’ to move
(sting)
Followed it up with a Jolt or two; Heart was racin’, blood was too
Answers were comin’ hard and fast; Not sure how long that buzz would last
(sting)
Had a Monster stuck to both my hands; Five-Hour Energy joined the band
Was writin’ so fast, that pen got tired; The page below just caught fire
(sting)
Well I put that test in the rear-view mirror; My life ahead was filled with terror
Only one cure would ease my core; I had to go get more, more, more
(music)
Got a job to make them energy drinks; A constant supply to help me think
The boss looked me right in the eye; Go out and make them customers buy
(sting)
So I drove around and stocked the stores; Walked the streets and banged on doors
But the chief told me to hit the road; Seems that I drank more than I sold
(sting)
I started a company in my garage; Mixed up some stuff with an entourage
We sold it north, we sold it south; Them folks wanted more in their mouth
(sting)
I named my stuff Nuclear Fuel; You drank too much you’d act the fool
Guzzled that stuff, kept me smokin’; My brain grew larger, that’s no jokin’
(sting)
The stuff I made gave me the jitters; Thoughts were random little skitters
Friends and family looked concerned; That’s one more lesson I didn’t learn
(music)
I felt myself expand in space; Mind and body not held in place
Shot straight out away from earth; I was the soul of my own rebirth
(sting)
Looking down from way on high; Planets and stars whizzing by
Up ahead I saw a light; Way in the distance clear and bright
(sting)
Inside that light, well I met god; He looked at me like I was odd
It only took a flick of his hand; To send me back down to the earthly land
(sting)
Well it landed me in a hospital ward; Without my juice I just got bored
My doctor said “Son, I don’t know what you’re drinkin’,
But you gotta stop doin’ that high speed thinkin'”
~~~
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
This week I’m posting a cover version of “Suddenly Seymour” from the musical Little Shop of Horrors… but in Spanish!
Here’s the song, with my Audrey voice pitch-shifted up by an octave (yes, I sound like Miss Piggy):
De Pronto Seymour (pitch-shift cover song by Joe J Thomas)
… and one with just my original singing:
De Pronto Seymour (cover song by Joe J Thomas)
There were several challenges that went into this song:
Transcribing the Lyrics (couldn’t find an official version online)
Singing in Spanish, with correct pronunciation and emphasis
Harmonizing with myself
Pitch shifting my voice for Audrey’s part
I got a lot out of the exercise. Learned some new Spanish words, a new song, and some new production techniques. More tools for the toolbox. Or at least toys for the toybox.
Hope you enjoy it!
Joe
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
“De Pronto Seymour”
Spanish version of “Suddenly Seymour” from Little Shop of Horrors
(transcribed from a version performed in Buenos Aires)
…
SEYMOUR
No estés así. Toma mi pañuelo. Limpiate el rimmel, los labios también.
Quiero mirar el alba en tus ojos. Estamos muy juntos, ya todo está bien.
De pronto Seymour está a tu lado. No más maquillaje, no más que esconder.
De pronto Seymour llegó para darte dulces palabras. Cuenta con él.
AUDREY
Yo a la ternura no conocía. Mamí era pobre, papá se nos fue.
Y cualquier hombre que aparecía; “vení” me decía y yo qué iba a hacer?
De pronto Seymour está a mi lado. A nada me obliga. Me sabe entender.
De pronto Seymour llegó para darme dulce consuelo, cuento con él.
SEYMOUR
Dime que esto que siento es eterno. Que ya ha pasado mi tiempo infeliz.
AUDREY
Seymour comprende que a los perdedores. No les es fácil gritar: “soy feliz”
AUDREY
De pronto Seymour
SEYMOUR, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON
De pronto Seymour
AUDREY
Me purifica
SEYMOUR, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON
Te purifica
AUDREY
De pronto Seymour
SEYMOUR, CRYSTAL, RONNETTE, CHIFFON
De pronto Seymour
Copyright 2021, Joe J Thomas, Joe’s Dump, JoesDump.com
All Rights Reserved.
Not A Quinn-Martin Production.
~~~ Lyrics: ~~~
He Put Cheese On
(to the tune of “And The Band Played On”)
Lyrics and Singing by Joe J Thomas
…
Charlie wore cheddar cause he wanted to bed her
Yes he put cheese on
With a collar of Swiss he would woo a young miss
When he put cheese on
The ladies paid homage to his clothes made of fromage
His cheesy demeanor was sharp
The dapper young suitor with a vest made of Goudah
He had put cheese on
…
He used camembert for a flair in his hair
Oh he combed cheese on
There was brie on his shoulder, for his shoes gorgonzola
Sure he put cheese on
She knew that he’d get her with his tie made from feta
Mozzarella suspenders he’d donned
They left out the back in a Monterey Jack
How they put cheese on
…
They’ve a gooey liaison on his couch of parmesan
And they got cheese on
As she fumbled and felt him his socks started melting
Oh they had cheese on
While removing their clothing she stopped with a loathing
His underwear caused her to turn
With that limburger smell she could certainly tell
That he put cheese on!
All content written and voiced by Joe J Thomas online at: JoeActor.com
