RoboCall? RoboAnswer It!

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RoboCall? Robo-Answer It!

RogoAnswer!

The RoboAnswer Audio (play this when you get a RoboCall):

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      Download the RoboAnswer MP3 Here!

The Story:

I’m in my home studio recording an audition when the phone rings.
Thinking it might be my wife, I answer:

Me: Hello?
RC: This is an urgent message about your available credit. Would you like to lower your monthl…
Me: (mashing every button on the phone while simultaneously swearing)
RC: Hi. This is Todd. Are you calling to learn how to lower yo…
Me: Actually, Todd, I’d like you to remove my number from your call li…
RC: (click. beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppp…)
Me: (mashing every button on the phone while simultaneously swearing)
Me: (slamming down the phone) Aaaarrrrrrrrgggghhhhhh!!!!!

If only there was some way I could do something about these blasted RoboCalls!
Wait a sec… I’m a voice actor!
I can do something.
And that’s how RoboAnswer was born!

The next time you get any kind of mind-numbingly boring sales or other call, just play the above clip into the phone. Be sure to put it on repeat, then just walk away!

For your convenience there’s also a link to the MP3 file under the player.

Enjoy!,
Joe
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It Arts So Good

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It Arts So Good

with your host Aruba Borealis

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Outstanding In My Field by Aruba Borealis

Outstanding In My Field
by Aruba Borealis

—— transcript ——

Hola, and welcome to “It Arts So Good”.

I am your gracious host, Aruba Borealis, your guide into the fascinating world of the art.

Come with me as we explore what is, and what is not, the art.
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JPR – Bill Parker: Adopted Eskimo

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JPR – Joe Public Radio

JPR Logo

This United States Life

presents:
Bill Parker: Adopted Eskimo

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The Least Interesting Actor In The World!

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The Least Interesting Actor In The World!

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In his spare time, he sits alone at a well-known diner, waiting to be discovered.

He has a check made out to himself for a million dollars, since that’s how Jim Carrey did it.

Disney is on his resume… because he once visited the theme park.
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Crabby McCrankyPants

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Crabby McCrankyPants

A short poem (and apology to my wife), by Joe J Thomas

Why is the kitty being so jingly?
Is that why my nerves are ever so tingly?
Amplified noise assaulting my head
Prevents me from sleeping all snug in my bed
I snap. I growl. I grumble and snipe.
I rage. I cuss. I howl and I gripe.
The pressure is mounting – it’s all in my noggin
I need to say “Sorry!”, which is why I am bloggin
Oh, Wifey! You know, it is not your fault.
You try to be kind, and not to assault.
Tempermental I am when a new show is a brewing
But Crabby McCrankyPants – him I should be eschewing
Accept my apology, and I promise to you
It won’t happen again… until the next show is due!

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Big Jim McBob’s Cowboy Musings

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Big Jim McBob’s Cowboy Musings

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Howdy, buckaroos!

My name’s Big Jim McBob. Seems like folks are always asking me to speechify on things, so to help ‘em out, this here’s Big Jim McBob’s “Cowboy Musings“.

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Stupid Jokes

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Stupid Jokes (’nuff said…)

… read ’em, laugh (optional), and add your own in the comments!

 

q) what do you call a man who has inherited his father’s world-wide chicken broth empire?
a) a bouillon-aire

 

q) did you hear about the guy that had his entire left side amputated?
a) he’s all right now

 

q) you know what happened when I ate at a Chinese German fusion restaurant?
a) an hour later I was hungry for power

 

q) how many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
a) two… but don’t ask me how they got in there

 

q) why was six afraid of seven?
a) because seven ate nine

 

q) what did the news report when a dwarf psychic escaped from jail?
a) small medium at large

 

q) what did the bartender say when a horse walked in?
a) hey buddy, why the long face?

 

q) how do you get down from an elephant?
a) you don’t – you get down from a goose

 

q) why did the bike fall over?
a) it was two tired

 

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Broses! Flowers for MEN! (Henderson episode 2)

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Broses – Flowers for MEN!

Henderson Moment Episode 2:

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Broses! Flowers for MEN!

Broses! Flowers for MEN!

Hello folks. My name’s Henderson, and this is my Moment.

Henderson International Products (aka “HIP”) now brings you guys a brand new thing you can buy for other guys. But in a totally manly way!
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The Super Foods!

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The Super Foods!

… the following audio is dedicated to my lovely wife:

(enjoy!)

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The Super Foods!

The Super Foods!

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The Henderson Moment: Episode 1 – Personal Hygiene

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The Henderson Moment

Episode 1 – Personal Hygiene

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Hello folks. My name’s Henderson. And this is my moment.

Episode 1: Personal Hygiene.

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