Category Archives: Comedy

Crabby McCrankyPants

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Crabby McCrankyPants

A short poem (and apology to my wife), by Joe J Thomas

Why is the kitty being so jingly?
Is that why my nerves are ever so tingly?
Amplified noise assaulting my head
Prevents me from sleeping all snug in my bed
I snap. I growl. I grumble and snipe.
I rage. I cuss. I howl and I gripe.
The pressure is mounting – it’s all in my noggin
I need to say “Sorry!”, which is why I am bloggin
Oh, Wifey! You know, it is not your fault.
You try to be kind, and not to assault.
Tempermental I am when a new show is a brewing
But Crabby McCrankyPants – him I should be eschewing
Accept my apology, and I promise to you
It won’t happen again… until the next show is due!

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Big Jim McBob’s Cowboy Musings

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Big Jim McBob’s Cowboy Musings

      BigJimMcBob_JoeActor_20130701

Howdy, buckaroos!

My name’s Big Jim McBob. Seems like folks are always asking me to speechify on things, so to help ‘em out, this here’s Big Jim McBob’s “Cowboy Musings“.

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Stupid Jokes

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Stupid Jokes (’nuff said…)

… read ’em, laugh (optional), and add your own in the comments!

 

q) what do you call a man who has inherited his father’s world-wide chicken broth empire?
a) a bouillon-aire

 

q) did you hear about the guy that had his entire left side amputated?
a) he’s all right now

 

q) you know what happened when I ate at a Chinese German fusion restaurant?
a) an hour later I was hungry for power

 

q) how many mice does it take to screw in a light bulb?
a) two… but don’t ask me how they got in there

 

q) why was six afraid of seven?
a) because seven ate nine

 

q) what did the news report when a dwarf psychic escaped from jail?
a) small medium at large

 

q) what did the bartender say when a horse walked in?
a) hey buddy, why the long face?

 

q) how do you get down from an elephant?
a) you don’t – you get down from a goose

 

q) why did the bike fall over?
a) it was two tired

 

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Broses! Flowers for MEN! (Henderson episode 2)

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Broses – Flowers for MEN!

Henderson Moment Episode 2:

      Henderson_ep2_JoeActor_20130603
Broses! Flowers for MEN!

Broses! Flowers for MEN!

Hello folks. My name’s Henderson, and this is my Moment.

Henderson International Products (aka “HIP”) now brings you guys a brand new thing you can buy for other guys. But in a totally manly way!
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The Super Foods!

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The Super Foods!

… the following audio is dedicated to my lovely wife:

(enjoy!)

      SuperFoods_JoesDump_20130527
The Super Foods!

The Super Foods!

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Don’t Worry, You’re Fifty! (my birthday song ;-)

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Don’t Worry, You’re Fifty!

A parody song by Joe J Thomas

      DontWorryUr50_JoeActor

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I’ve Left My Mind, But I’m All Right Now

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I’ve Left My Mind, But I’m All Right Now

April 10th, 2013.

My Page-A-Day calendar informs me of the following bit of trivia:

“Survey Says: 95% Of Us Put On Our Left Sock First.”

“Hmmmm…”, I thought, “I put on my left sock first.”
“And my left pant-leg!”, I continued.
“And my left shoe!”, I stammered.

Ok, so what’s all that mean? Well, obviously I’m with 95% of the rest of “Us” (whoever we are). But it also means that somehow my Right-Brain is taking precedence on all maneuvers involving socks, pants and shoes. And who knows what else!

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Buzzketing (Buzzword Marketing)

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Buzzketing (Buzzword Marketing)

Hi gang,

It’s no secret that I’m a huge fan of marketing and buzzwords (*wink!*).

So, I’ve combined the two into a new word: Buzzketing!

Buzzketing (noun, verb, adjective, adverb, etc.)
\ˈbəz-kə-tiŋ\

Definition:
Excessive use of buzzwords in marketing media and presentations.
May be accompanied by a glazed look, rapid speech, 
and a desperate need for validation.

“But wait, Joe”, you may be saying, “How can I use Buzzketing to talketize my objectivization potentiameter kill-zone, whilst still conveying a negative info-quotient contentualized drop-package?”

(translation: you’d like to talk a lot while saying absolutely nothing)

Here’s how it’s done – give a listen!

      Buzzketing_Joeactor_20130408
Joe Backbehinder - Buzzketing Expert

Joe Backbehinder       Buzzketing Expert

(Or Watch on YouTube!)

Buzzketing – the Joe Backbehinder Way!

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Cat Day Afternoon

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Cat Day Afternoon

… a true story by Joe J Thomas

Nez-Me-Tard

Players:

  • Nez: (inside cat, IQ 168, cute factor A+)
  • Nekotard: (outside cat, IQ 5, cute factor C-)
  • Me: (dog-human, IQ dropping, cute factor “ask my wife”)

Time: Just after lunch

Me: (thinking) gotta knock some stuff out … laundry, shave-shit-shower, back to work
Nez: keck keck keck
Me: not on the carpet (moves Nez to the hardwood floor…) Continue reading →

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H. H. Family Restaurant Commercial

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H. H. Family Restaurant Commercial

      HHFR_Advert_Joeactor_20130225


Good evening. I’m here to talk to you about some very serious issues facing mankind, and offer a fun, tasteful solution to all of them. Ever since the end of the global economy there have been many changes. Overpopulation, environmental concerns, the homeless, illegal immigrants, and of course the sick and elderly, just to name a few. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a way to help Mother Nature “cull the herd”? And why can’t that way benefit the rest of us?

Well, here at “Happy Hannibal’s Family Restaurant” we aim to do just that!
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